Thursday, June 28, 2012

If SEC teams were Queen songs.

Why compare the SEC to Queen? Because both tend to be a blend of power, farce, and drama. For every "We Will Rock You," there's a frothy piece like "A Kind of Magic." So the comparison fits better than expected. 

Alabama - "Princes of the Universe"
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. You were expecting "We Will Rock You"/"We Are the Champions," which would have been the obvious choice. The truth is, even that double-sided one-two punch can't even properly define the level of dominance, swagger, and entitlement that is Alabama. This track originally written for the Highlander soundtrack  has that and them some.  "Princes of the Universe" is for those who ready for battle and expect to dominate. "We Will Rock You" is for the folks on the sideline watching.

Texas A&M - "I Want to Break Free"
There isn't a better song to describe Texas A&M and it's longtime struggle to get out of big brother Texas' shadow. Of course, it's also the perfect song for a school whose Corps of Cadets has an disturbing level of latent underlying homoeroticism, bit that's neither here nor there.

Georgia - "Another One Bites the Dust"
Is there another college football team in the country that always seem to blow it when its almost at the top of the mountain? Well, maybe Boise State the past couple of years, but this is about the SEC, dangit. Anyhow, you can imagine this song going through the head of a Bulldog fan at some point during the season when Mark Richt seems to clutch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Arkansas - "The Show Must Go On"
With all the crap that's happened to Arkansas in the past few months with Bobby Petrino, a song about trying to persevere through hard times is perfect for the Razorbacks.

Tennessee - "Bohemian Rhapsody"
A young man cries to his mother that he's already blown his chance in life before it even started. Sound familiar? Place Derek Dooley and big mama Barbara in those slots, and you get an idea of what kind of situation His Hairness in at Knoxville right now.

South Carolina - "I Want It All"
This song does make one think of Steve Spurrier, and his attitude toward winning on the field, doesn't it?

Ole Miss -"Somebody to Love"
Ole Miss tends to be the red-headed step child of the SEC for some reason. It's always looks for respect, but never finds it.

Florida - "Under Pressure"
Will Muschamp on the hot seat? Maybe, and maybe not. But with the Gators not living up to expectations following the end of the Tebow era, there's an absolute need to rebound this year. If Georgia manages to do the impossible and beat Florida two years in a row (not that anybody is holding their breath thinking that would actually happen), you can expect Muschamp to be compared more and more to Ron Zook than Spurrier or Urban Meyer. 

Mississippi State - "Radio Gaga"
There always seems to be some kind of chatter going on about Mississippi St. But in the end it all can sound rather meaningless.

Missouri - "Now I'm Here"
They're the new guys, so it's self-explanatory. 

Auburn - "Hammer to Fall" 
Auburn always does feel like it's one step away from getting slammed for one kind of NCAA violation or another. It's got the Cam Newton situation that sits like a Sword of Damocles ready to shatter it's long sought-after BCS title.

Vanderbilt - "It's a Hard Life"
Vandy is the punching bag of the SEC. Maybe that can change under James Franklin, but I'm not counting on it.

Kentucky - "The Invisible Man"
Kentucky never seems to really be there as an SEC school. Heck, even as a basketball school it feels like it should be more of an ACC or Big East team. 

LSU - "I'm Going Slightly Mad"
Les Miles. Nuff said.

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