Wednesday, April 4, 2012

What if Big Ten coaches were McDonaldland characters?

By now you probably have seen this GIF of Ohio State head football coach Urban "Hamburglar" Meyer getting the best of Wisconsin HC Bret "Ronald McDonald" Bielema.

     (Check the dude dressed as Colonel Sanders in the background. Is that Spencer Hall?)

Of course it begs the question of if Meyer is Hamburglar, and Bielema is Ronald McDonald, then what McDoanldland characters the the rest of the Big Ten coaching cadre be?

Pat Fitzgerald - Grimace.

Grimace is the Gayle King to Ronald's Oprah. No, seriously, McDoanld's once referred to Grimace as Ronald's "special pal."  I'll just leave it there. Anyhow, Grimace is purple and cuddly, yet somewhat menacing in the process. Kind of like a less Satanic Barney the Dinosaur, but I digress. Naturally this description also fits Northwestern HC Pat Fitzgerald to a T. He seems friendly, but he's secretly training a giant baked potato he brought to life with his heathen magicks to take out your team's quarterback.

Brady Hoke - Mayor McCheese

Michigan is traditionally the Big Cheese of the Big Ten (Ohio State notwithstanding, but they're already accounted for in this discussion). So who else could Brady Hoke be but Mayor McCheese, the lovable head honcho of McDonaldland? Hoke certainly looks like he's been to Mickey D's more than once in his lifetime, doesn't he?

Mark Dantonio - Officer Big Mac.

You don't mess with Mark Dantonio. And you don't mess with Officer Big Mac, either. The long arm of the law in McDonaldland, Officer Big Mac will have you tased and handcuffed before you can even think of trying to  escape his grasp. Which is how many of Michigan State's opponents feel like after they go down to defeat to the mighty Spartans.

Jerry Kill - Captain Crook.

Okay, this one has everything to do with the mustache. Otherwise, I've got nothing.

(via The Smoking Musket)

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