Friday, December 18, 2009

The Orlando Sentinel gives us one for the Hall of Bad Analogies

Its one thing for a columnist to drop a bad analogy into one of his or her columns. So imagine what joy it would be to read a column with at least three of them. Fortunately for America, The Orlando Sentinel's Mike Bianchi has few dandies in his column on the University of Central Florida's matchup against Rutgers in the St. Petersburg Bowl, and how it could lead UCF into the Big East.
(Just in case you're confusing UCS with USF: UCF is the team coached by resume enhancing George O'Leary. USF (University of South Florida) is coached by Jim Leavitt, who may or may not have gone Bobby Knight on one of his player's throat).
Bianchi provides his readers with a few little gems of bad analogies. First up is this dandy on how the St. Petersburg Bowl could lead to greater things fort UCF:

"Don't laugh. It wouldn't be the first time an obscure, out-of-the-way place helped decide history. The United States of America became a BCS nation at a tiny bowl locale known as the Battle of Yorktown"

Okay, we're comparing made-for-ESPN bowl games to Revolutionary War battles here. And comparing Rutgers to the 18th century British Army is pretty much a stretch to begin with.

"Likewise, UCF can go a long way toward joining the BCS league of nations in Saturday night's Soiree by the Bay. On the same week expansion talk has multiplied like Tiger's mistresses throughout college football, what better way to send a message to the Big East Conference than by beating Rutgers in a stadium jam-packed with thousands upon thousands of UCF fans?"

So the BCS is like the League of Nations? So, how well did that group turn out? And does this mean a playoff system would be like the United Nations? Yeah, that's going to win support form conservatives.
And congrats, Mike Bianchi. You're the last adult male in America to make a Tiger Woods joke.

"Never before have UCF's chances of gaining admittance into a coveted BCS league seemed so close at hand. Reminds you of the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and friends come out of the woods and into a beautiful, poppy-filled clearing where they can see their destination, the Emerald City, in the distance. "There's Emerald City!" Dorothy exclaims. "Oh, we're almost there at last! At last! It's beautiful, isn't it? … Let's run!"

...Where Dorthy and friends eventually learn the Wizard is a con artist that would make Bernie Madoff look legit.
Oh look! Bianchi's article is even causing bad analogies to pop up here! It's like H1N1. Oh wait! There's another! I need to stop before things get totally out of hand!

(via The Orlando Sentinel)

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