Wednesday, October 28, 2009
[BLEEP] YOU MASCOT: Penn State Nittany Lion
Hey there, Nittany Lion. Do you even have a name? Colleges usually give their costumed mascots cute little names like Buzz, or Goldie, or Hairy. But you, you're just The Nittany Lion or "The Lion" apparently. Penn State doesn't give you much love do they?
They sure haven't done much for your complexion there, buddy. You look old and ratty there. That costume looks straight out of 1966, but then with Joe Paterno as coach that's not surprising. He's not really one for keeping up with the times, you know. Boring uniforms with boring white helmets. A mascot who looks like an old, cheaply made teddy bear from the county fair seems appropriate.
And the Doctor Who scarf? Sorry, that's not doing anything to hide the truth. Buddy, you need a makeover. That suit there looks like it came straight from a second rate costume shop. I've seen better looking homemade costumes at sci-fi conventions, for cryin' out loud!
Seriously, you need an upgrade there. I'm afraid that's going to have to wait until after JoePa hangs his clipboard up though. Modern day mascots need to look sleek and athletic. You, Nittany Lion? You look kinda whimpy.
(with apologies to Matthew Gasteier)