Friday, April 30, 2010

Oh, might as well: The US Army "Telephone" remake.

Oh well. Since I posted that clip of the Air Force messing around to Ke$ha, I might as well go ahean a post that video of US Soldiers stationed in Afghanistan's version of Lady GaGa's "Telephone."



(via Yahoo! and about every dang place else on the internet today)

Coack K watch: Krzyzewski spotted in South Dakota?


There's been a Mike Krzyzewski sighting in South Dakota. Coach K spoke to an audience in Rapid City, SD Thursdsay night. At least it looks like Coach K. The image was taken at a distance. It's still hard to tell if it's really Coach K, or if Kyle Singler is continuing his macabre impersonation of his basketball coach.
For all we know, the real Coach K could be held captive in Singler's hidden mancave. Imagine Coach K duct taped to a chair with Singler's pet spiders and his shrine to Pauley Perrette. Scary, isn't it?

(via Rapid City Journal)

Did Time magazine punk UFC's Dana White?


Steve Cofield at Cagewriter has a bone to pick with Time. It seems that the magazine committed the unspeakable crime of leaving the UFC's Dana White off its annual list of the "World's Most Influential People." The sports notables that got on the list? Serena Williams, Phil Mickelson, and soccer player Didier Drogba.
Of course those three got on the list as part of its "Heroes" section, and that's as much for their off-the-field activities as much as their athletic accomplishments. People like Jet Li and Ben Stiller are in that section too, for the same reasons. (Stiller set up a foundation to provide schools in Haiti. Jet Li's foundation provides for disaster relief in China)
A case could be made for White being on the list. He has transformed MMA, which was once considered by many to be "human cockfighting" or an "outlaw sport" into at least the quasi-mainstream of America. But is truly one of the "influential" people in the world?
Time's list is usually divided into "Leaders," "Heroes," "Artists," and "Thinkers." With twenty-five people listed in each category. White is above everything else a businessman, so he would probably fit more in the the first or last categories. Quite honestly, there are at least twenty-five people in the world more "influential" people in both categories as White. And when it comes to the sports world, someone like Roger Goodell ought to make the list before White does.
The Time list is pretty much subjective list anyway. Maybe next year White will get a nod, as the list usually has a massive turnaround year after year (unless you're Oprah, who seems to have a sticky on the list).

(via Cagewriter, Time)

The Golddomedammerung: We Are Notre LAME!


Don't ask where or how the blogger formerly known as Orson Swindle found this video. Just rue the day that he did. It's not quite the Wagnerian opus you would expect when it comes to the Golddomedammerung (the made up word I came up to describe ND schadenfreude), but it comes tragically close.



EDSBS has a complete blow-by-blow account of the video. But all you need to know that a)Yes, that is Mike Golic, and b) Mike Kelly is slowly beginning to regret the day he bargained his soul to Mephisto to get the ND job. And know that somewhere in the great beyond that John Heisman, Knute Rockne, and George Gipp are all hanging their heads down in shame.

(via EDSBS)

Michael Phelps goes out to the ball game, looks like a dork



It's been a while since SWRT was able to critique the fashion choices of America's greatest swimmer (and recreational marijuana user) Michael Phelps. But lo and behold, Phelps was spotted Thursday night the Baltimore Orioles home game against the New York Yankees. (The O's lost to the Yanks 4-0)
Naturally, being one one of America's biggest dorks, Phelps was spotted in an Orioles jersey and the obligatory backwards baseball cap. Being a Baltimore homeboy, this is an obvious outfit for Phelps. But admit it: don't you think a Tim Lincecum San Francisco Giants' jersey would be more appropriate for him to wear?

(via Yahoo! Sports)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

10,000 hits! Thanks everyone.

Shirts With Random Triangles got it's 10,000 hit today. So thanks to everybody who has been checking this place out. Especially those of you who keep coming back.

Nothing'll stop the US Air Force...from having a good time.

Okay, the main reason I'm posting this is because dude goes Carl Edwards off a fighter jet around the 3:30 mark. If that ain't awesome, I don't know what is. (It sure as heck ain't for the Ke$ha, I can tell you that.)



This is what makes America great.

(Thanks to Timberoo at The Outhouse for pointing this out)

Have you seen Coach K lately?


Has anybody seen Mike Krzyzewski lately? Even since that pic of Kyle Singler wearing that Coach K mask appeared I've been looking for proof that Krzyzewski was alive and well. No such luck. I'm starting to get a little worried here. It's beginning to look like Singler may have found his spiders a playmate.

What Passes for Life: Random Links and weak attempts at humor 4/28

The ACC will get it right, sooner or later: The ACC is moving it's championship game to Charlotte next season. (Dr. Saturday)

The Atlanta Hawks' collapse in the playoffs calls coach Mike Woodson's future with the team into question. (SB Nation)

Joe Maddon's fondness for the hoodie hasn't gone unnoticed. He's just got a present from the world's most famous hoodie wearer. At least the most famous one not in prison, that is. (Big League Stew)

Phil Mickelson makes the annual Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. I guess all it takes to be influential now is to keep your pants on. Then again... (Time)

Is this the frontrunner for "Name of the Year 2011?": A recent episode of NCIS: Los Angeles was written by a man named Speed Weed. (Warming Glow)

Song that makes me want to throw Drew Magary through a brick wall: "Spellbound," by Triumph. Old school classic.

I'll take "Things that would make a geek spontaniously combust into flames" for $500, Alex

A car wash featuring young ladies dressed as Princess Leia in her Return of the Jedi slave girl outfit. 'Nuff said.


















Is that a light saber in your pocket? Or are you happy to see me?
This reminds me of one of my dream to open up a Star Wars-themed shopping center. I plan to call it Darth Mall.

(thanks to eltopo at The Outhouse)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"Sexy" Lane Kiffin is back on track.


It seemed that week that Lane Kiffin's chances of being crowned Esquire's " Sexiest Woman Alive" were in jeopardy by a resurgent Danica Patrick. But what a difference a week makes. The latest update from the Esquire "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" Leaderboard shows that Kiffin back in the lead. Better still, he has a ten point advantage over Danica, leading 55%-45%.

(via Esquire)

Is Ike Davis "The Stimulus"? Omar Minaya had better hope so



New York Mets' first baseman Ike Davis has only been in the Majors for a week-and-a-half or so, but he already has a big nickname to live up to. Davis is apparently being called "The Stimulus." Why? Because his play is allegedly saving people's jobs. Namely Jerry Manuel and Omar Minaya's.



There's a "Stimulus Package" joke around here somewhere, but you can figure that one out for yourself.

(via Hot Foot, Eli From Brooklyn Mets Underground)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Bango dramitically reenacts Games 3 & 4 of Hawks-Bucks


Bango, the Milwaukee Buck's mascot has gotten a lot of love lately. One of his stunts, involving his making a dunk off a ladder even Shawn Michaels would have second thoughts climbing up, has gone viral.
Now comes a Bango having a little bit of fun with Atlanta Hawks fans. Sadly it pretty much represents the outcome of the Games 3 & 4 of the Hawks-Bucks playoff series.












Fortunately for Hawks fans, the team has contacted an expert to help them protect their fanbase from unwanted attacks:















(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

(via Deadspin)

More reasons to hate Duke: Kyle Singler is creepy and kooky


He's creepy and he's kooky, mysterious and spooky. And he's all together Dookie. He's Kyle Singler. And he's really starting to weird people out on Twitter.
A couple of days ago Singler tweeted that he had found a couple of "deadly spiders" and has placed them in a vase. Later on he mentioned they were "struggling." No word if he meant "struggling" as in fighting to survive, or "struggling" as in trying to kill each other. Warning to Mike Krzyzewski: this is probably how Michael Vick got started.
Then again, it may be to late for Coach K. Earlier in the day, Singler posted a pic where he was wearing a creepy mask that looked like his coach. At least I hope it's a mask. The way things are going, Singler may have finally gone all Silence of the Lambs and started to reenact Hannibal Lecter's escape scene. I doubt even Carolina fans would be too thrilled about that.

(via The Dagger, Kyle Singler's Twitter)

When Mariano Rivera thinks about Derek Jeter, he touches himself



Here's the cover of the May 3, 2010 edition of Sports Illustrated. It features Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, and Andy Pettitte, a.k.a. the New York Yankees' "Core Four." The cover celebrates these four players, who have been on the Yankees' roster together for the past 16 years, including the five World Series' championships.
As you can tell, Rivera is very happy to be on the cover with Jeter. Maybe too happy. Then again, Posada seems to be real happy to be on the cover with Rivera. Meanwhile Jeter is there just chilling out, trying to ignore that his teammates are being way too friendly with each other.
Seriously, is this the kind of behavior the Steinbrenners expect from the leadership on their team? Maybe they expect awkward moments caught on camera from someone like A*Rod or Nick Swisher, but not this crew.
This is what has to be considered a classic "Brady Quinn" moment. It's one of those images you would expect to see on Kissing Suzie Kolber featuring Brady Quinn in an rather awkward moment among others. The kind of moment that probably makes Tim Tebow not look forward to being in the shower with him in Denver.
The difference, of course, is that is a professional photo shoot, so awkward moments like this ought to be avoided. Otherwise, they might show up on the magazine cover.

More proof that white people can't dance.

Here are some members of the University of South Alabama Jaguars baseball team with obviously way too much time on their hands, and not enough smarts to figure out that they really needed to keep this little moment of bonding off of YouTube.



Not even Red Stripe could help this crew. Which considering they're probably under the legal drinking age, is probably a good thing.

(via Sportress of Blogitude, Busted Coverage

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dawgageddon: Walk-On has a run-in whth the Law.


(Cue the Bobby Fuller Four)

As if Mark Richt's day wasn't bad enough with the news of Logan Gray's possible desire to transfer from Georgia, word has come down about another Bulldog having a run-in with the police. Josh Parrish, a walk-on freshman lineman who redshirted the 2009 season was arrested on charges of "underage possession of alcohol and possession of false identification." In other words, "the usual." (At least for UGA).
Parish has already been suspended from the team. With the mood Richt is in right now, don't be surprised if that suspension is made permanent.

(via Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Dawgageddon: Logan Gray leaving?


Zach Klein of WSBtv is reporting that Logan Gray is meeting with Georgia coaches on his decision to transfer to another school. This after Aaron Murray was named starting quarterback for the Bulldogs last week This was also reported on the radio earlier today by Chuck Oliver of 680 The Fan on the Chuck and Chernoff program.
If true, this puts the Bulldogs in a bind. Gray's departure means that plans to redshirt incoming freshman QB Hutson Mason would pretty much be out the window, as the team currently has no other QB to back up Murray. And it also comes on the heels of last weeks dismissal of Zach Mettenberger. This should be creating a lot of headaches for Mark Richt and UGA QB coach Mike Bobo.

(via WSBtv, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Now trending on Twitter: #fakederbyhorses


It must be getting close to the Kentucky Derby and the Triple Crown, because on the of the funniest memes right now on Twitter involves horses. A nice little trending topic called #fakederbyhorses has popped up, which includes a ton of names that won't be popping up in the Run for the Roses anytime soon, but probably should.
The obligatory jokes about glue are there. As are the obvious entries of "Sarah Jessica Parker" and "Carrie Bradshaw." But between those there are a few good ones, such as "Saved By the Belmont," "Haulin' Oats," "John and Kate Plus Eight Belles," and "BearSharkTapus." And yes, "Hockeybear" has been taken too. But don't let that stop you from trying to come up with your own. It has to be more original than "Radiohead," for crying out loud.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Watch Chipper Jones kill Bambi on national television


It looks like Chipper Jones has found a way to share his love of hunting with America. Jones, along with Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Adam LaRoche, and other lesser known (and less successful) baseball players, will be featured in the upcoming hunting series Buck Commander: Protected by Under-Armour. It will begin sometime in July on the Outdoor Channel. It's an outgrowth of Duck Commander, the group of hunters known for the notorious beards this side of ZZ Top.
The show will feature Jones and co. doing the usual things seen on hunting shows. Namely hunting trophy bucks and some on the road hi jinks. Of course most hunting shows don't have a Major League star like Chipper Jones involved on a regular basis. There's a preview of the show here.
Buck Commander has already produced a line of products, including a couple of DVD's, s a line of clothing and scent control products ('cause glowing ain't the only thing Rudolph's nose does.) With Under Armour as a sponsor somebody ought to be yelling "We must protect this treestand!" Though it's sort of doubtful that will happen. It doubtful PeTA is going to be thrilled about this either.

A Little Fright Music

Here's the soundtrack for tonight's Freudian nightmares.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

New Michigan State unis compared to "New Coke"


When it comes to college sports, change can be looked at with as something that's pretty much unwanted, unless the team you support is losing. Then it's pretty centers around throwing out whoever gets the blame for the bad run of fortune. Things less tangible for a winning program, such as time-honored school traditions, mascots, team colors, and team uniforms, on the other hand, can cause general outrage on campus and throughout the internet.
When Michigan State and Nike got together in an attempt to "rebrand" the Spartans' athletic program earlier this year things got off on the wrong foot. An image of a slightly altered Spartans' logo leaked out was was met with much disdain. The new icon was quickly dropped before it was to be officially introduced.
Now the school has introduced new uniforms for its twenty-five athletic teams, all designed by Nike. The school wanted to "rebrand" the uniforms to make them more "unified" when it came to things like lettering and what shade of green each team used.
How is the Spartans' fan base taking the change? Not too well. The blog The Only Colors ran with a headline "Congratulations, Everyone: Those $9.99 Jerseys You Bought at Steve and Barry's 5 Years Ago Now Look More Authentic Than You Ever Could Have Imagined." Ouch.
The readers were slightly less impressed. One commenter said they hoped the unis would turn out to be like New Coke, described at "an attempt to get a fan base to accept a little bit of movement by taking a wildly circuitous route." Others bemoaned the loss of the "State" on basketball jerseys and the "script" Michigan State lettering on hockey jerseys.
To be honest the new football unis are a little dull. They do seem to fall on the generic side, which is probably something not a company looks for in branding. There's nothing dynamic that really identifies the jerseys as Michigan State except for the lettering. Not in the way of something like an Miami or a Florida State jersey does. Green and white can be tricky, so the design element is pivotal. Sadly, these jerseys look too under-designed.
The pants are the same way. The fronts are unimpressive, with all the details being on the back. There needed to be some more green showing on the front to where it didn't look so plain.
For a Nike product, these unis are pretty unimpressive. Compared to what the company puts into Oregon's uniforms, this is a joke. Maybe the company and the school were spooked by the reaction to the new logo. But these new unis don't really seem to "rebrand" the way Michigan State wanted.


(via The Dagger, Yahoo! News, The Only Colors)

"Sexy" Lane Kiffin fighting for his life. Or at least his title


Things were going so smoothly for Lane Kiffin in the Esquire "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament, then things hit a speed bump. Kiffin is slightly behind second round opponent Danica Patrick at the moment. This isn't good for Lane. It also isn't good for my dream match-up in the finals of Kiffin and Olivia Munn either. (Munn is still whipping The Hills' Heidi Montag, by the way 99%-1%)
Kiffin is lagging behind Patrick, with Danica holding a slight 50.3%-49.7% advantage. It's an small percentage to overcome. So help Kiffin out by voting now. While you're at it, give a little love to Matthew Stafford's girlfriend too. She's losing to hot ice dancer Tanith Belbin too.

(via Esquire)

Happy Birthday Chipper Jones


Happy 38th birthday to Atlanta Braves' third baseman and hunting enthuiast Chipper Jones. Sadly, Chipper's birthday hasn't gone so well today. He was taken out of today's game against the New York Mets in the third inning with a sore right hit. The Braves went on to lose the game to the Mets in 3-1.
As you can tell from the picture to the left, Chipper is an avid hunter. Many a deer have fallen to Chipper on his 10,000 acre ranch in Texas. Along with the occasional illegal alien. But that was due to dehydration, not at the hands of a mighty hunter like Chipper.
It would be nice if the Braves' let him wear the eyeblack like he is shown here. Maybe Bryce Harper will start the trend off if and when he makes it to the Big Leagues. And maybe the Braves should honor Chipper by getting some Realtree camo jerseys for an alternate uniform. It would be a perfect tribute. And trust me, those hunting camo jerseys would fly off the racks.

(via Walkoff Walk, Yahoo! Sports, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Friday, April 23, 2010

Is ESPN's FIFA World Cup commercial anti-American?

The latest ESPN commercial promoting the 2010 FIFA World Cup is titled "United." It features Bono in a rambling monologue slightly resembling the style of his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction speech of Bob Marley. It's set to the music of U2's "Magnificent," and clips representing sundry global issues.



As a whole it comes off a being a little anti-American. Images in the commercial include Muslims praying, a foreclosed house, polar bears floating away on sheets of ice, clips of impovrished areas around the world, and an American flag pin in a bad labeled "Made in China," The clip of an American flag that's ripped and worn at one end doesn't help things either.
The commercial does get around to actually showing clips of actual games of soccer being player. But they are too brief and fleeting. There doesn't to seem to be any appearances of the US men's soccer team in the clip. One would think that in trying to get a (mostly) American audience to tune in it would help to show the home team off home team a little bit.
The idea of the clip is that the world comes together once every four years united with one purpose. That being to compete for the World Cup. Even that concept is flawed, since competing for the Cup has as much to do with the national pride of each competing nation as it does celebrating some illusionary idea of global unity.
The irony in this is that this commercial is trying to promote the World Cup to an American audience. One that has been slow to warm up to soccer a major sport despite years "soccer moms" driving their kids to soccer practice. The majority of the sports media still treats soccer on a level somewhere between a red-headed stepchild and an idiot brother-in-law.
So will a commercial that sort of comes off as slighting America help promote the FIFA World Cup to Americans? It certainly doesn't help things. ESPN should be trying to promote the US Soccer team a little more, in conjunction with the World Cup in general. A one-two punch would have served promoting the Cup on both a national and a international level. ESPN only doing the latter might backfire in the end.

The NFL Draft can be a drag.


The end of he first round of the NFL Draft usually means the end of most of the fun. Though this year is an exception, watching Jimmy Clausen tumble while Mel Kiper Jr's hair explodes over the fact Tim Tebow went in the first round ahead of him.
Of course, the new three-day format of the Draft also means there's a lot of down time between rounds. What to do with all that time to fill?
Well there's always the ever-productive "Let's take players in the Draft and give them drag queen names!" game. So SWRT went to Midsumma Drag Queen Name Generator and popped a few notable names in.


Sam Bradford - "Paige Turner"
Gerald McCoy - "Maya Thickinthighya"
Tim Tebow - "Lurleen Cuisine"
Ndamukong Suh - Fool! Suh don't need a drag queen name! But... if he did, he'd be "Sue Nahmi"
Colt McCoy - "Madam Demanda Pash"
C.J. Spiller - "Bertha Vanation"
Demaryius Thomas - "Sal Monella"
Jimmy Clausen - "Sharon Needles"
Eric Berry - "Virginia Hamm"
Dez Bryant - "Fifi Wang"
Bryan Bulaga - "Mari Wanna"
And to complete his humiliation:
Mel Kiper Jr. - "Tanya Hide"

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Tim Tebow's a Bronco


The 2010 NFL Draft's most intriguing question was answered when the Denver Broncos drafted Tim Tebow with the 25th pick of the first round. Ahead of the still undrafted Jimmy Clausen. Which probably means Denver head coach Josh McDaniels is probably off Mel Kiper Jr's Christmas card list.
If anything, this pick cements McDaniels's status as the NFL's resident insane genius. Or at least the insane part. Alienating Jay Cutler. Trading him for Kyle Orton. Repeating the alienation cycle with Brandon Marshal. Trading Peyton Hills to Cleveland for Brady Quinn. Trading Marshal to the Miami Dolphins for second round draft picks in this year and next year's draft. Now drafting Tim Tebow. Doctor Doom never came up with schemes as insane as this. Also of note: none of Doctor Doom's schemes succeeded, either.
How Tebow's relationship with McDaniels will turn out is anybody's guess. But it's doubtful it will be the kind of almost father-son relationship Tebow had with Urban Meyer. That and it won't be as creepy, either (I hope).
(Interesting fact, by the way: Colorado is headquarters of Focus on the Family, the Christian organization responsible for the infamous Suber Bowl ad featuring Tim Tebow and his mother. It's probably a good thing that I'm not a conspiracy spank. Otherwise I'd be trying to chalk this up as something more than just coincidence.)
Of course Tebow will be competing for the starting quarterback job with Kyle Orton and Brady Quinn. It will be interesting to see how Tebow and Quinn interact. Quinn of course being the Jimmy Clausen of 2007. Except that Quinn got drafted in the first round. (Take that, Kiper!)

Sing along with the Big Ten


The Iowa sports blog Black Heart Gold Pants decided to post a YouTube clip of a tailgate at Penn State where the tailgaters were jamming out to...Miley Cyrus?








(Notice the rebel flag in the background? It's in honor of Joe Paterno. He fought for the South in the Civil War.)

Sadly, it didn't take long before someone pointed out the shortcomings of Iowa Hawkeye fans' taste in music.



If there's a "P'wning Hall of Fame," this needs to be in it. Seriously, it that Ricky Stanzi approved music?
Sadly, both songs seem appropriate for the schools and their individual fanbases singing them. It does make the imagination wonder (or is it wander?) about what other recent (and possibly lame) hit songs of the past few years might be fitting for other Big 10 schools.

Ohio State - "Tik Tok" Ke$ha
Michigan State - "Gives You Hell," All American Rejects
Michigan - "Good Girls Go Bad," Cobra Starship
Purdue - "Poker Face," Lady GaGa (If only for Purdue Pete)
Wisconsin - "Chicken Fried," Zac Brown Band
Northwestern-"Shake It," Metro Station
And the Big Ten wonders why Notre Dame doesn't want to join.

(via Black Heart Gold Pants)

NCAA expands tournament to 68 teams (not 96), sticks with CBS


America can breathe easier now. The nation has dodged two bullets that could have destroyed the institution of March Madness.
The NCAA men's basketball tournament will not be expanding to 96 teams. On the other hand, it will be expanding to 68 teams, with all four regional sixteenth seeds now decided by play-in games.
But that's not all, CBS will continue to air the tournament, in conjunction with TBS, TNT, and TruTv. Which means all the games in the tournament will be televised in its entirety. The deal is for the next fourteen years, which means Gus Johnson fans will be able to hear such classic phrases such as "Rise and fire!" for years to come. Plus, it keeps the tournament out of the greedy hands of ESPN. So it counts as a double win.

(via Deadspin)

The Mountain West in the BCS? Not anytime soon.

BCS executive director Bill Hancock suggested that the Mountain West conference may be on its way to become the seventh conference with an automatic bid. "If they meet the threshold, they'll be the seventh," he said. The "threshold" probably meaning overcoming whatever roadblocks the BCS puts in the MWC's way. It wouldn't happen anytime soon, either, with Hancock implying it wouldn't happen before the 2012 season.

(via SI.com, CBSSports.com)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Jimbo Fisher wants FSU to play Florida in...Atlanta?


You have to admit that newly minted FSU head football coach Jimbo Fisher isn't willing to let tradition stand in the way of how things are done in Tallahassee. While in Atlanta for a Seminole Boosters club on Monday night, Fisher suggested he would be open to playing the traditional season-ending rivarly game between FSU and Florida to the start of the season.
In fact, he took the idea to its most absurd conclusion. When asked by a fan during a q&a session if FSU had been invited to participate in the annual Chick-fil-A Kickoff in Atlanta, Fisher said the school had been contacted about the possibility of playing against Alabama in the Georgia Dome.
That's when Fisher dropped this little head-exploding idea: Playing Florida in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff. In the Georgia Dome.
FSU-Florida at the start of the season makes sense in as much as it would provide the loser a chance to recover from the loss (which is what Fisher is reported to have said). But playing it in the ATL just isn't going to happen, and Fisher even said as much. But you've got to hand it to him for taking thinking outside the box to its most absurd conclusion.

(via Orlando Sentinel)

Big East not going down without a fight, brings on Paul Tagliabue


All signs seen to point to a Big 10 raid on the Big East. But don't think the Big East is just going to go quietly into that dark night. The conference has announced that former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue will be talking on a voluntary advisory role.
Paul Tagliabue will have the title of Special Advisor, where he will "provide strategic advice on future television arrangements and other priority matters." "Other priority matters" probably involving the Big 10's eying of Rutgers, Syracuse, Pitt, and possibly even UConn.
Bringing in Tagliabue as Special Advisor does seem to be a sign that the Big East is taking all the expansion talk seriously. Tagliabue is credited with making the NFL into the machine it is today. It certainly looks like the Big East is starting to cover its wagons for the fight of its life.

(via Joe Schad's Twitter, WHAS)

Expansion talk is "Hot and Cold"


Expansion talk is beginning to resemble a Katy Perry song. Sadly, the song is "Hot and Cold," and not "I Kissed a Girl." One minute it sounds like things are starting to heat up, and then it turns out events are still moving at a totally glacial pace.
Judging from events presented in Dr. Saturday the latter scenario is in play, at least on an official level. Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney (or at least his spokesman) says earlier reports of an accelerated timeline for expansion are premature. Any talk about expansion at the BCS commissioner's conference in Arizona was on an unofficial level.

(Via Dr. Saturday)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Shaq wishes he had Jessie's Girl


You'd think that with the NBA Playoffs going on Shaquille O'Neal wouldn't have a lot of time on his hands. Apparently not.












I sense a blacktop challenge to the Kobe and LeBron MVPuppets coming soon.

(via Deadspin)

Iowa blog blames Icelandic volcano on...Hockeybear?

You know that annoying volcanic eruption in Iceland that's messing up air travel to Europe with its hideous cloud of volcanic ash? Black Heart Gold Pants has taken a look at the situation. And it claims the culprit of this whole mess is....HOCKEYBEAR?

(image via Black Heart Gold Pants)


Hockeybear causing the volcanic ash cloud? No frakin' way! Hockeybear is an American icon. He's American as baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, Chevrolet, the Star Spangled Banner, Mom, Tim Tebow, the NFL, Stephen Colbert, Ryan A. Conklin, and Ricky frikin' Stanzi...combined! There's no dang way that Hockeybear would do such hideous act.
And yet this is the second time BHGP has accused Hockeybear of betraying it's beloved country. The first time was during Marchinfornication where it claimed Hockeybear was aiding dirty communist Joe Paterno in his heinous acts of sedition. And now it blames the eruption of Eyjafjallajokull on Hockeybear's actions.
Clearly there must be an explanation for this. Either BHGP has secretly been taken over by sinister agents of JoePa to spread misinformation. Or...JoePa is using an ursine ally to discredit Hockeybear's good name. That seems more likely.
JoePa's found an evil opposite of Hockeybear. The Bizzaro to Hockeybear's Superman, the Sinestro to Hockeybear's Green Lantern. The Venom to Hockeybear's Spider-Man. The Red Skull to...well, you get the idea.
Yes...this is the ANTI-HOCKEYBEAR!
That's the only logical reason for this. The Anti-Hockeybear is out there and ready to destroy the very fabric of our nation, and the destruction of hockey in general. Luckily for us, Hockeybear is there to stop him. Let's hope he does before it's too late. And let's hope that BHGP admits the error of it's ways and apologize for slandering Hockeybear's good name.

(via Black Heart Gold Pants)

What Passes for Life: Random Links

Today is 4.20.2010. A day significant for pot smokers because...well, it's 4.20. Anyhow, Spencer Hall (the blogger formerly known as Orson Swindle) celebrates by honoring three of his alma mater Florida's most notorious dopeheads. And White Rhino Chocolate Jason Williams is at the top of his list. Funny, I didn't think Hall even knew Florida had a basketball team. (EDSBS)

Just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse: Comedy Central has signed Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert through 2012. Which means they'll be on hand through the 2012 Presidential election. Or potential armageddon, which ever comes first. Then again, it could be one in the same. (Warming Glow)

ESPN's Michael Smith
wants to see Jimmy Clausen in the buff? Ewwww!...Oh, he meant " Buff" as in Buffalo. My bad. (Michael Smith's Twitter)

Topless Robot gives us "The Twelve Coolest Sandman Characters Who Aren't Dream." I can agree with a lot of the choices. But leaving Matthew the Raven, Delirium, Barnabas, and Rose Walker off the list is a crime. And the writer got mixed up with which Endless looks more like Tori Amos (Delirium is the one that's supposed to look more like Tori, not Death. Death is way too goth to be Tori. Besides, both were created before Neil Gaiman met Tori, so it's a moot point) (Topless Robot. Props to GHERU and El Topo for pointing this one out.)

MLB bans Rays' manager Joe Madden from wearing hoodies. Nice to see MLB is on top of this issue instead of less pressing issues like disparities in payroll or the graying of the fanbase or the upcoming labor talk with the Player's Union. (Sportress of Blogitude)

Boise State: The old blue turf it ain't what it used to be




The SEC (and the world) should be lucky that the "LSU installing purple turf in Tiger Stadium" story was an April Fools joke. It was an obvious nod to the infamous blue turf in Boise State's Broncos Stadium. The one that garnered headlines long before the Broncos started to really give the NCAA and the BCS headaches.
Sadly, that blue turf held up too well recently. It may have looked cool on TV back in the day, but in the crispness of today's HDTV's, it looks horrible. In fact, the most recent version of the turf, which was installed relatively recently in 2008, looked almost threadbare at times. This was apparently because "a reflective glare from fibers in the turf produces a dull, uneven shade of blue." (Yes genius, it's an artificial turf.)
Well the powers that be at Boise State have taken notice of this, and decided to fix the problem. A new turf will be installed this summer, to be ready in time for fall practice to commence on August 6. Yes, it will still be blue, just like it has been since 1986. It's probably too late to stop now, even though it's quirkiness has possibly overstayed its welcome.
(via EDSBS, Idaho Statesman)

Monday, April 19, 2010

Random Triangle Time Machine: Sing along with Terry Bradshaw


Want to know what Terry Bradshaw's reported upcoming one-man show in Las Vegas might be like? Well reports say it won't include singing, but with Bradshaw you can never tell. But here's a clip of Bradshaw performing in 1976 on the TV show Pop Goes the Country.



Bradshaw's singing might not be everybody's cup of tea. But it might be less disturbing than hearing him say that he might go Brokeback for Tom Brady if he ever "jumped the fence." Yeah, I'd rather hear him massacre country tunes too.
It's kind of doubtful that Ben Roethlisberger will be checking out Bradshaw's show, but apparently that won't stop you from seeing what Terry singing to Big Ben might sound like.

(via Shutdown Corner, Deadspin)

Dawgageddon: More on Mettenberger


Some more details of Zach Mettenberger's dismissal from the Georgia Bulldogs football team are coming out. 680 the Fan's Chuck Oliver reports his sources as saying that a) the original incident in which Mettenberger was arrested in Remberton, GA., was a little nastier than originally reported. And b) Mettenberger is reported to have lied to Mark Richt about it.

"According to the sources, ZM was seriously intoxicated that night at the bar in Remerton,GA. He was being very inappropriate with his language and then became inappropriate physically. One girl, in particular, works at the bar -- she wasn't on duty that night, but was there with friends and ZM was essentially trying to expose her in the bar in full view of others. The bouncer tossed ZM into the parking lot and that's when the altercation with the police began."


That wasn't the story Mettenberger told Richt. Which involved his trying to make his way to the bathroom moving the girl out of the way by putting his hands on her hips (insert Ben Roethlisberger joke here). Either Richt totally bought the story at the time, or waited until he got the facts to kick Mettenberger off the team.
Either way, Georgia has one less troublesome QB to deal with. On the other hand, Georgia has one less QB, period.

(via 680 the Fan)

Tebow Victory Tour hits Lipscomb University

Tim Tebow spoke at Nashville's Lipscomb university on April 17. Three guesses on what subject Tebow brought up, and the first two don't count.



(Not there's anything wrong with that.)

(via Only Gators Get Out Alive)

Big 10 expansion talk may be gaining momentium


The talk of the Big 10 expanding past it's current 11 teams may be gaining some momentum. This is after The Chicago Tribune reported that the conference is accelerating the timetable in which the proposed expansion could occur. This means that the Big 10 may be informing other conferences of its plan to raid their member schools as early as next week.
That's because the Association of American Universities is holding it's semi-annual meetings in Washington, D.C. through next Tuesday, and where Big Ten representatives are scheduled to be meeting with on Sunday. ESPN reports Big 10 commissioner Jim Delany will be attending the conference.
With a mandate for expansion, Delaney could go into meetings held by the BCS next week near Phoenix ready to inform other commissioners that the Big 10 plans to begin officially contacting their member schools about switching conference affiliations.

(via Black Heart Gold Pants, The Chicago Tribune, ESPN)

Dawgageddon: Mettenberger handed his walking papers


Scratch one quarterback controversy off Mark Richt's back. Troubled freshman QB Zach Mettenberger was dismissed from the team for unspecified "violation of team rules." Whether those team rules were related to Mettenberger's wild romp in Remberton , GA is unknown.
(What's with QB's whose last name ends with -berger causing havoc in the state of Georgia anyway? There was that mess with You Know Who (Okay, Ben Roethlisberger. Who the heck did you think I was talking about?). Then there's the drama with Mettenberger. Is it something in the water that drives these QB's crazy?)

(via Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

BYU athletes withdraw for honor code violations.


BYU running back Harvey Unga (pictured) has withdrawn from school. As has Keilani Moeaki who was on BYU's women's basketball player Keilani Moeaki. Both are mentioned to have violated the BYU honor code. No further explanations were given, or if the honor code violations were related. I figure they were caught drinking Mountain Dew together or something.





(via, Deadspin, KSL.com)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Suh's heart is in the right place, but are his priorties screwed?


Ndamukong Suh is one of the most awesome defensive tackles over to come out of Nebraska. He was the inspiration for what the quite possibly the greatest example of photoshopping I have ever seen. And now he has announced an awesome gift to the University of Nebraska. Suh plans to donate two million dollars to the school's strength and conditioning program, and $600,000 to an endowed scholarship for Nebraska College of Engineering. (Suh's degree is in construction management).
Suh obviously plans to getting the money for the gift through his future contract with whatever NFL team drafts him. It was thought Suh would be the first selection in the NFL Draft. But that was before the Rams figured out that "Oh snap! We don't have a QB, and we passed on Matt Ryan Mark Sanchez!" and started looking hooking their horns into Sam Bradford.
While Suh's pledge is a tremendous gift, it's makes you wonder if the amounts Suh is donating to the two programs should be switched. While two million to the strength and conditioning program is a great gift, it would probably be more useful as scholarship money. Like many schools Nebraska is facing budget cuts due to the economy. Two million to the College of Engineering could have helped a lot of engineering students more than some new weight room equipment would.

(via, SB Nation, 1011Now.com)

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Tapout presents your "America: love it or leave it" moment of the day

Below are the Tapout designed t-shirts that respective MMA fighters Jake Shields and Dan Henderson (pictured wearing his) will apparently be wearing in their middleweight bout on tonight's Strikeforce Nashville card, to be aired live on CBS/Strikeforce Saturday Night Fights.





As you can tell, both have an all-American patriotic theme . Shield's shirt featured an eagle and shield (gee, I wonder why?), while Henderson has a battle-worn US flag and the Patrick Henry quote "Give me liberty, or give me death." I'm sure that Ricky Stanzi would be proud to wear either one of them.
The shirts are a refreshing change of pace from all the skulls and quasi-satanic imagery that dominate MMA shirts these days. And they are definitely better than the neo-nazi crap that Hoelzer Reich sells. I'm sure Mask would approve.


(via Cagewriter)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Iowa Hawkeyes: Black Heart, Old Pants

Here is the retro uniform the Iowa Hawkeyes will be styling in the upcoming 2010 season. It is inspired by the 1958 Hawkeyes team, considered by some to be the best Iowa has produced.



It would have been nice if Iowa could have gotten Ricky Stanzi to model the uni. But he was probably too busy keeping America safe from godless communists like Joe Paterno. That or he had a class.

(via Black Heart, Gold Pants, GazetteOnline.com)

Jay-Z vs. David Ortiz in an Empire State of Litigation



David Ortiz is having it rough out on the baseball diamond right now. And he may have it rougher in the courtroom if Jay-Z has his way. Jay-Z is suing Ortiz over claims that Ortiz's the name of Forty-Forty club, is swiped from the raper's own 40/40 clubs, located in New York City, Atlantic City, and Las Vegas. Ortiz's club located in the Dominican Republic capital of Santo Domingo.
If it's true then Ortiz was foolish to think Jay-Z was going to let a Red Sox get away with stunt like that. Which part of "Empire State of Mind" did Ortiz not get? Especially the part of making "The Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can?" You'd think Ortiz at least get a clue when Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performed the song at Yankee Stadium during the World Series last year.
Memo to Ortiz: Don't mess with Jay-Z. You might find yourself buried in Yankee Stadium in the spot where that Red Sox fan tried to bury your jersey trying to curse the Yanks. (How'd that little stunt work out, by the way?)

(via AP/Yahoo! Sports)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The absolute best Creed has ever sounded.



(via EDSBS)

Your "Sexy" Lane Kiffin update, plus other dynamic catfights


March Madness may be over, but Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Especially if you're obsessed with embarrassing Lane Kiffin by trying to make sure he wins this whole dang thing. So far, Lane's ahead in Round Two against Danica Patrick. But Miss Go Daddy isn't going down without a fight. Kiffin is ahead 55%-45%, so Danica is hanging in there.

In other big matchups:

  • "The Panamanian Cricket Team" vs. Stacy Keibler: Alleged wrestler Keibler is beating the alleged cricket team 59%-41%.
  • Matthew Stafford's Girlfriend vs. Tanith Belbin: The hot Olympic ice dancer is ahead 54%=46%.
  • Giselle Bundchen vs. Adriana Lima: In what has to be an upset, Lima is beating Mrs. Tom Brady 73%-27%.
  • Brooklyn Decker vs. Alessandra Ambrosio: Decker is decking Ambrosio pretty good 72%-28%.
  • Heidi Montag vs. Olivia Munn: Not even a contest. Munn is spanking Montag 99%-1%. And trust me, I know a whole lotta geeks who'd paid to see that.

Curt Schilling irks Native American groups with board game


A company part-owned by Curt Schilling is developing a board game in which English colonists are pitted against Native American tribes. Titled "King Philip's War," the game is based on events in a conflict between the 1600's involving the two groups.
Native American groups aren't too happy with the game's developer, MultiMan Publishing, to halt production. It may have something to do with a die players can use to generate "different combat scenarios, such as an ambush, massacre or spying."
So far, Curt Schilling isn't backing down.

"But Schilling, who won World Series with the Arizona Diamondbacks and Boston Red Sox, said historical events should not be whitewashed for fear of offending someone. King Philip's War helped forge early American identity, even if it "clearly exposed the horrible side of humans in some cases," he said.

"If everyone intent on keeping historical events stopped at content that might seem offensive, we'd lose sight of the horrific mistakes this nation, the world and the human race are capable of, and that would be a horrific thing," Schilling said in an e-mail sent through his publicist."


It doesn't look like the protests will stop Schilling's company from releasing the game. I'm still waiting for the "Curt Schilling Put the Blood on the Sock" game myself.


(via Yahoo! News)

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins: Creed edition


Need more reasons to hate the Marlins not involving Jeffery Loria being a cheapskate? Well, here's a doozy for you. Scott Staph Stapp, lead singer of Creed has rewritten his song "You Will Soar" into an anthem for the Marlins. Sadly, its titled "Marlins Will Soar."








At least when Prince came up with his song for the Minnesota Vikings he wrote something original, not filked one of his old tunes with sports related lyrics. Then again, Prince has forgotten more about making great music than Scott Stapp ever learned.

Know what's even worse? The Marlins had Stapp sing the Star Spangled Banner during the opening day ceremonies at Land Shark Sun Life Stadium.



Is this enough proof that Jeffery Loria hates America? It's about time to sic Ricky Stanzi on Loria's sorry rear end and ship him back to Montreal. (I don't care if Loria was born in New York City. He should be run out of the country all the way to Quebec. So there.)

(via SB Nation, SunSentinel.com )