Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Coolest Thing on the Internet RIGHT NOW! Christopher Walken interpets Lady Gaga

I don't consider myself among the cult who are obsessed with Christopher Walken, but dang! This just might be the best thing I've seen on the internet in a long freaking while. Walken+Lady Gaga+Jonathan Ross of the BBC=Awsome.



(via The Outhouse, YouTube )

A*Rod is two things...A baseball player and a narcissist

It seems the internet is buzzing about the latest bizarre news about Alex Rodriguez. This time around one of his ex-girlfriends claims A*Rod has portraits of himself as a centaur located over his bed in US Magazine.
For those readers who have lives growing up and never played Dungeons & Dragons, a centaur is a half-man, half horse creature from Greek mythology. Old Spice used one in a couple of commercials a while back:



Disturbed? You should be. Now imagine one of those with A*Rod's upper body on it. worse better yet, feast your eyes on this artist rendering from Jason Fry of Faith and Fear in Flushing via Deadspin, Can't Stop the Bleeding, and apparently every other site on the internet besides Faith and Fear in Flushing:





Personally, I'm having a hard time figuring out which part of this is A*Rod myself. No wonder Jeter doesn't respond his phone calls on off days.

(via Deadspin )

Mark Richt firing watch


If Mark Richt wasn't already on the hot seat, he is now. The Georgia Bulldogs Surrender Monkeys lost another game to their rivals masters Florida. This time the score was 41-17.UGA fans aren't going take any more of this much longer.
If the best Richt can come up with is black helmets, then maybe its time he take a shot at the fashion industry instead of football. Georgia fans want victories, not fashion statements.
The Bulldog Nation also wants a real defensive coordinator instead of the current intern, Willie Martinez. Martinez's ineptitude has cost the school one too many wins, and countless millions of dollars. It's obvious to everyone Martinez has fewer active brain cells than Kurt Cobain did after he blew his head off. Everyone except Richt that is.
I'm not saying Richt will be gone this year, but the clock is ticking. Either Georgia needs to quit the SEC, join a conference more suiting to its style of play (like Conference USA. Or maybe a Church League), or it needs to man up, and start fixing things around the (appropriately named) Butts-Meare Building. Monday would be a nice day to stop the bleeding. They should be lucky that Black Lantern Uga's don't rise from the crypt at Sanford Stadium and chase everyone out of town.
Everybody involved on the Bulldogs Surrender Monkeys' side should be ashamed about the way things went down today. Nobody expected a chance of a BCS or SEC Championship this year with this squad. But it was doubtful it would be this bad. The chances for any kind of bowl game aren't looking good right now. Neither are half the staffs employment opportunities. Mark Richt may be on that list by this time next year. If not sooner.

Here's the jersey Georgia will be wearing next week

Friday, October 30, 2009

It was too good to be true, and it wasn't


We hate to be the ones to break this one to you, but the rumors that Layla Kiffin (Lane's wife, in case you didn't know) will not be posing in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Or probably in any other magazine for that matter. Funny, I didn't even know that the rumor was out there in the first place. All I really want to know is if she's visited the Alimony's , the beauty salon of Bruce Pearl's ex-wife Kim Shrigley. Tell me you wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall there.

(via Deadspin)

SEC goes Daniel Snyder on critics

The SEC now apparently means the Snyder-Esque Conference. After very public criticism of officiating in recent weeks and months, the SEC has finally decided it's finally going to do something about it...hand out immediate fines and suspensions for those who question the referees.
So instead of fixing the problem, the SEC's simply going to slam those who point out the problem. That's rich. I'm sure the SEC will get around to fixing the poor officiating after a bad call costs Florida or Alabama a chance at the BCS.

(via Rivals.com)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT: Bevo XIV



Now here's a first, an actual animal mascot. Not some student who somehow managed to turn cosplaying into a gig with a scholarship. Not Bevo XIV. He the real deal, if not much of one.
Seriously, you call yourself a bull there, Bevo? I have to admit, that's a nice pair of horns you've got there. But it's on such a scrawny body you have to think your overcompensating for something.
To be honest, your not much a bull compared to those bulls in the (PBR)Professional Bullriders Association. Now those are some vicious beasts there, partner. Bevo wouldn't last a day in PBR. Rank bulls like Bones and Voodo Child would just snicker at you. And the cowboys would probably ride you all day. Face it, those bulls have it over you six ways to Sunday.
I really expect more out of Texas than this. I expect to see a big scary bull, not this scrawny thing.

(with apoligies to Matthew Gasteier)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Minor league hockey team looks "Bad" honoring Michael Jackson

You could probably do an entire blog on the incredible lameness diversity of what can be done with a hockey jersey. Oh wait, there already is one...Icethetics. With everything you ever wanted to know about hockey jerseys, but didn't give a dern were afraid to ask.
Well, according to them the Bakersfield Condors will be be holding a "King of Pop Night" on October 30th complete with Michael Jackson themed Jerseys. Here's a look at the jersey whether you like it or not:





And yes, the players will be all be wearing one white glove.
Oh wait, it gets even better. If you're name is either Michael Jackson or Billie Jean, you get in free. What, not love for the Bens or Dirty Dianas of the world?
No word yet if the Condors plan to hold a Roman Polanski night, though. Hey, if you're honoring Jacko you might as well.

(via Deadspin, Icethetics )

Pop Quiz: The Georgia-Florida game


Just a quick pop quiz before That Adult Beverage Tasting Event Impersonating a Football Game between the Florida Gators and That Team From Athens Impersonating a Football Team:

1)After the game on Saturday Georgia will resemble:
a)Hannibal Lecter's prison cell after his escape in Silence of the Lambs.
b)Alderan after the Death Star attacked it in Star Wars.
c)
Apollo Creed after his fight with Ivan Drago in Rocky IV.

2)After losing to Florida, Georgia fans will be calling for UGA defense coordinator Willie Martinez's
a)Job
b)Head
c)Blood
d)Rear End
e)Wait, they're not doing that already?

3)Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow's relationship most closely resembles:
a)Mr. Miyagi and Daniel LaRousso
b)Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker
b)Batman and Robin (Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson)
c)Batman and Robin (Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd)
d)Batman and Robin (Bruce Wayne and Tim Drake)
e)Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson and Damien Wayne) (Why does DC Comics have to pull this crap all the time?)
f)we're not even going to go there, but...



4)Joe Cox's nickname given to him by EDSBS is
a)"The Ginger Ninja"
b)"The Ginger Shogun"
c)"The Ginger Geisha"

5) Which song best describes the feeling the Jacksonville Jaguars get when watching the crowds at the "World's Largest Outdoor [CENSORED BY DR. MICHAEL ADAMS] Party" is"
a)"Jealous", by Gene Loves Jezebel
b)"Why Can't I Be You", by The Cure
c)"California Here I Come"
d)"London Calling", by The Clash

Just when you think Farveageddon couldn't get any worse, it gets even worse


You would think the insanity of Brett Favre returning to Lambeau Field as a Viking couldn't get any worse. Well, thanks to FOX (guess who!) it was. Ryan Wilson over at Fanhouse reports that both FOXSports.com and NFL.com will be featuring a "Farve-cam" that will be monitoring the Cute Purple Dinosaur during the Vikings-Packers game. (Insert John Madden/Peter King/Colin Cowherd joke here.) Expect screen-catches of Favre picking his nose or scratching himself in all the wrong places on Deadspin as soon as they happen.

(via Fanhouse)

Real World/Road Rules: Okay, maybe this was better than a Bully Beatdown


No sooner than I suggest Real Road/Road Rules: The Ruins competitor Wes Bergmann go on Bully Beatdown then he gets eliminated from the show. By a wuss named Cohutta Grindstaff of all things. (And no, he's not a Hobbit.) Trust me, this guy is a bigger wuss than the entire Georgia defensive line. The agony and the irony are killing me here.

The UFL thinks its Daniel Snyder

Apparently the UFL went to the Daniel Snyder School of Fan Relations. Deadspin tells of an account by a fan who sent the fledgling football League an e-mail and got a response back basically telling him they weren't even going to read it, and it would be deleted. Now that's a way to show your few fans how much care about their support. With reactions like this, the UFL will be joining all the other wannabe football leagues in the professional sports league graveyard.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

This is (allegedly) one of the signs Daniel Snyder doesn't like


If Daniel Snyder has a problem with a sign like this, then I hope the Redskins never win a Super Bowl while he owns the team. He seriously owes an apology to the Men and Women in our Armed services and their families over this one. He also needs to get his cranium out of his rectum. (Pardon my French)

(via Deadspin)

Kyle Busch tops for NASCAR trick-or-Treaters



Apparently Kyle Busch is more popular than anyone thought. From the Marbles reports that Busch leads other NASCAR racers in Halloween costume sales. It seems a little strange, until you remember that Busch drives the number 18 car sponsored by M&M's. See the connection? It makes a lot more sense kids would want to wear a faux fire-suit with M&M's on it than say Office Depot or Lowe's.

(via From the Marbles)

[BLEEP] YOU MASCOT: Penn State Nittany Lion




Hey there, Nittany Lion. Do you even have a name? Colleges usually give their costumed mascots cute little names like Buzz, or Goldie, or Hairy. But you, you're just The Nittany Lion or "The Lion" apparently. Penn State doesn't give you much love do they?
They sure haven't done much for your complexion there, buddy. You look old and ratty there. That costume looks straight out of 1966, but then with Joe Paterno as coach that's not surprising. He's not really one for keeping up with the times, you know. Boring uniforms with boring white helmets. A mascot who looks like an old, cheaply made teddy bear from the county fair seems appropriate.
And the Doctor Who scarf? Sorry, that's not doing anything to hide the truth. Buddy, you need a makeover. That suit there looks like it came straight from a second rate costume shop. I've seen better looking homemade costumes at sci-fi conventions, for cryin' out loud!
Seriously, you need an upgrade there. I'm afraid that's going to have to wait until after JoePa hangs his clipboard up though. Modern day mascots need to look sleek and athletic. You, Nittany Lion? You look kinda whimpy.

(with apologies to Matthew Gasteier)

Time for a Real World/Road Rules Bully Beatdown

Real World/Road Rules: The Ruins is really starting to hit its stride. For those not in the know, this is the MTV show where alumni of the various Real World and (now defunct) Road Rules seasons get together to compete for cash and squeeze every last minute of their fifteen minutes of fame.
There are usually one or two people on each season who stir up trouble to either ahead in the game or because of complex interpersonal issues that develop season after season. They pretty much bully around other, a occasionally a punch or two are thrown. I think its time these guys show up on another MTV show: Bully Beatdown. In this one worthless schmucks get to send a bully that's making their lives a living you-know-what get to send said bully up against a professional MMA fighter. Seems like a perfect place to give some of these Real World/Road Rulers an attitude adjustment.
The most egregious RW/RRers to throw in the cage:

CT Tamburello





Way too obvious of a choice, but he may be the most notorious of the RW/RR bullies. He's been kicked off twice for punching other cast members. Besides that, he has more issues than a Barnes and Noble magazine rack.

Wes Bergmann


The other obvious choice. Wes came on The Ruins with romance issues (he was engaged to Johanna Botta, but she kinda cheated on him on The Island). He was also complaining a lot at the start about fairness (see below) for picking who got sent into The Ruins elimination challenge, but that was more for reasons more selfish than altruistic. Wes only thinks about himself. He's also very combustible. He also gets in a lot of shouting matches with other people.

Evan Starkman




I like Evan, but he is an absolute schemer. He's been trying to get Wes off his team since the competition. On top of that he's a Grade-A button pusher. His little stunt with putting a plunger in Katie's bed is slowly becoming an internet meme. I hate to do it, but Evan could use a few rounds with an MMA fighter due to that one.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Gophergate continues to curse Minnesota?


Things are starting to go downhill real fast at Minnesota since their mascot, Goldie Gopher decided to poke fun at praying Penn State DE Jerome Hayes. The team's been 0-2 since the Oct. 17 game versus Penn State. Now word comes that wide receiver Eric Decker's out for the remainder of the regular season due to a foot injury. If I were Minnesota I'd start looking for a new cosplayer to put in that gopher suit. That or call in that Creek medicine man/Baptist preacher who was sent in to de-curse Talladega. (I talked to one of the staff at Church about that one. He doubted the compatibility of holding both roles too)

(via EDSBS and Twincities.com )

RAW is NASCAR




Celebrity guest general managers on RAW have to be the lamest idea the Vince McMahon ever came up with. With the possible exception of the Gobbledy Gooker. And the Katie Vick mess. And the proposed WWE cable network. And...
Anyhow, last night's RAW featured NASCAR racers Kyle Busch and Joey Logano as the guest general managers of the night. There's only one reason for this: they're the only racers/race WWE could get to promote the new Smackdown Vs. RAW video game. Okay, maybe it makes sense for Logano to promote it because Game Stop is one of his sponsors. But really, WWE could've done a little better. Why not try to get Jeff Gordon or Carl Edwards to host RAW? Or mabye Tony Stewart?
Maybe Vince should have been more willing to spend a little more to nap a bigger NASCAR driver's hood.

(via From the Marbles)

Jay Cutler's life would suck without Kelly Clarkson


Here's another reason Bears' fans should be proud of Jay Cutler. He was spotted at a local radio station promotion where the original American Idol Kelly Clarkson performed a five song acoustic set. There's a Vanderbilt joke around here somewhere, but I can't seem to find it. Cutler at a Kelly Clarkson concert does seem to punch a few holes in Kissing Suzie Kolber's well crafted image of the Chicago qb as a sulking, emo-boy. Then again, maybe it doesn't.
As for Cutler's ex-team, the 6-0 Denver Broncos? I get the feeling this is the Kelly Clarkson song they're singing these days regarding the whole breakup with Cutler.

(via The Big Lead)

Jay Mariotti proves my point


I told you this would happen. Just a couple of days after posting this little rant Jay Mariotti goes and does what I say would happen. His own long-winded rant about a late October/early November World Series and what's wrong with the MLB.
Least.Shocking.Tirade.Ever.
But it's like I said. The Yankees knew they're going to play in months with cooler temperatures and bad weather. And they still didn't compensate by putting a retractable roof on their new billion dollar temple to their own avarice stadium. Maybe its MLB's fault that retractable roofs on new stadiums aren't a requirement. It would certainly help cut down on rain-outs and snow-outs. But owners should be smart enough to figure it out on their own.

(via Fanhouse)

Are the Boston Celtics xenophobic?

Interbasket.Net has come out with a list of the Most Xenophobic NBA Teams. And by "Xenophobic" they mean teams that are lacking significant numbers of international players. At the top of the list are the Boston Celtics, which shouldn't shock anyone who remembers the Celtics of Bird, Ainge, and McHale. The Knicks, Pacers, Heat and Wizards round out the list.
That there are teams with little or no international players shouldn't be a shock. In reality international players are in many ways like players who jumped from high school to the NBA. Sure there's LeBron James and Kobe Bryant and some other notables. But there have been quite a number of players who probably could've used a little more time in the oven and played a year or two in college (Kwame Brown, anyone?). It's the same with international players. A few international players like Pau Gasol and Tony Parker have been successful and helped their teams win championships. But then there are international stars like Yao Ming or Dirk Nowitzki who made names for themselves, but still don't have a championship ring to show for it.
It may be good to have international players on an NBA team, but it doesn't guarantee success.

(via Ball Don't Lie)

Monday, October 26, 2009

SEC slaps Lane Kiffin's wrist...again.


Despite all his awkwardness when it comes to living by the byzantine rules of the NCAA, Kiffin is going to be a good-to excellent coach for the Tennessee. We should enjoy these of mocking Lane Kiffin's missteps as a young head football coach for the Vols while we can.
Kiffin's latest Brittney moment: The SEC has reprimanded Kiffin for criticizing the referees during the Vols' loss to Alabama. The reason this time for knocking the refs? Because they didn't call an unsportsmanlike conduct on Terrence Cody for throwing his helmet after blocking that last-second field goal attempt. Like the refs were going to call that one after the excessive celebration calls in the past few weeks.
Still, this does bring up the growing pains of a (relatively) young head football coach. The learning curve is steeper in the SEC than it would be in a less significant school. Though a pattern is emerging where I can see Kiffin getting canned not for on-the-field success or lack thereof, but from off the field issues such as massive recruiting violations, or just rubbing the wrong people the wrong way at Tennessee.

(via rivals.com)

Enough with the "I Told You So's"to Sam Bradford


It seems telling Sam Bradford "I told you so" has been in fashion since he originally injured his shoulder, and twice as much as when he re-injured it in the Red River Shootout against Texas. The self-congratulatory crowd of media who said he should have bailed from college last year after winning the Heisman Trophy are now in absolute self-righteous mode. Talk abounds of the millions Bradford gave up this year staying at Oklahoma.
The latest: Deadspin's headline reading "Sam Bradford Reminds You Not to Stay In School, Kids."It points an article written by Dallas Morning News columnist Chuck Carlton, referring to Bradford as a "cautionary tale" for future juniors who could jump from college to the NFL Draft.
Gee, a columnist in Texas criticizing the moves of a quarterback from Oklahoma. What are the odds of that? I wonder what Mr. Carlton thinks of Colt McCoy's making the same "stay in school" move Bradford made? Or if McCoy was the one who ended up injured?
Just lay off Bradford. He wanted to win a championship this year for Oklahoma. He knew what he was doing. He was closer to winning a championship for the Sooners than he probably ever would if he was picked Number One by The Detroit Lions (how's your season been, Matthew Stafford?). Being known as a champion last a lot longer than wealth does in many cases.
And don't feel sorry about Bradford's future financial situation. If surgery goes well he won't fall too far in the NFL Draft. The worst he could do would be to land on a winning team and end up as back-up for a few years. Besides, Bradford's a finance major. He should be able to manage whatever feeble millions he gets from the NFL, and probably better than some of those juniors who skipped graduating.

(via Deadspin)

Cleveland hurts itself with Benching Brady Quinn



Charles Robinson writes in his Winners and Losers column for Yahoo! Sports about the team in the NFL currently impersonating the Cleveland Browns. They wear the Browns' colors and claim to uphold the traditions of the original Browns. But there nary a connection between this team and the original that moved to Baltimore and mutated into the Ravens.
The latest part of the "Browns" debacle concerns the team's apparent benching of Brady Quinn over money issues. By not putting Quinn on the field, the team saves allegedly saves about $10.6 million they'd have to pay out in salary escalators written into Quinn's contract. Meanwhile the "Browns" continue to lose with Derek Anderson as qb.
Whatever money the "Browns" are saving, it's probably not worth it in the end. It looks like they're going to have to look for another quarterback as early as next season (especially if they manage to trade Quinn away). If I were that qb's agent, I'd be sure to get as much up front money as possible, and avoid the incentives trap, since the "Browns" don't seem to be willing to pay them out. Expect the contract negotiations for Cleveland's next "quarterback of the future" to be as contentious as the ones for Quinn.

(via Charles Robinson's Winners and Losers)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Are Georgia Tech students Zombies?


Every Day Should Be Saturday's mythical weekly magazine EDSBS The magazine just came out with it's latest "edition". Among the stories this week is "ZomBees. Georgia Tech will. Not. Die."
The funny thing is, apparently the North Avenue Trade School's Department of Housing held a zombie-themed seminar about survival skills. this fall. Called "Watch Out for Zombies" appropriately enough, helped Techie students in such areas such as Urban Survival, Outdoor Survival, Financial Survival, etc. And then:

The evening concluded with residents sharing their knowledge of zombie movies and how to survive in the event of a zombie attack!


(By the way, the GT student newsletter The Technique's website doesn't seem to have any sort of vi sable search engine on it. The Red and Black over at UGA has a search engine. Heck the student newspaper at Gainesville State College has a search engine, for cryin' out loud! How the frak does it happen at a place called THE GEORGIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY ?)
Anyhow, zombies are so Two Thousand and Late. What you really need to be on lookout for are Black Lanterns. You think you don't have anything to worry about? Wait to you see the awesomeness of... Black Lantern Ted Williams!

(via EDSBS)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT: Goldie Gopher



Hey there, Goldie Gopher! Why the happy face and smug "thumbs up"? Didn't somebody at the University of Minnesota tell you your team sucks? The Golden Gophers are 4-4, with two straight losses. In fact, this little micro-losing streak since you decided to pull this little stunt:



I'll say it again: The Golden Gophers are 0-2 after this little stunt. Coincidence? There's more synchronicity here than you can find at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake if that's the case.
Look Goldie, you just messed up. Minnesota's official spokesman even said so. You should be so lucky that Jerome Hayes wasn't praying toward Mecca or performing some other non-Christian religious act. The leftists in the humanities department would be parading your big gopher costume head the around the humanities building on a pike (or maybe just a broomstick. Pikes are too violent for leftists). And that sorry human inside you would've been expelled.

Who's to blame for the ALCS rainout? The Yankees


After yesterday's rain-out of of Game 6 of the ALCS in New York you can expect to hear a lot of complaining about how messed up baseball is. It's going to be the usual complaint you hear this time of year. The season's too long, it stretches into cold weather months, etc. Just a lot of tired old shots at Bud Selig that aren't going to be seriously dealt with anytime soon.
Do you know who's really to blame for the rain-out. The Yankees. Why, you ask? Because they spent a billion or so and forgot to put a retractable roof on the dang thing.
The Yanks knew going into this construction that the team would be playing in at least one month of the year where weather would be an issue (April), and in good years they would see play in either one or two more months in the post-season (October and November). Add in the uncontrollable rain-out during the spring and summer, and you can imagine where a roof or a retractable roof would be useful.
Add to that the one subject you can guarantee will come up when the Yankees are mentioned: money. I don't know how much it costs the Yanks for each rain-out, but I guess it's a lot. If not from the games themselves then from revenue lost from the broadcasts on YES that have to be scrubbed. And I'm sure ESPN and FOX can't be too happy with the loss of income from bad weather either. Do you really think Rupert Murdoch really wanted to show a Yankee game tonight? He'd probably make more money showing Simpsons and Family Guy reruns tonight. (There's a reason why FOX passed on renewing the BCS contract. It was probably a money loser.)
Besides, no roof means that the Yanks will be losing potential money from non-use in the off-season. Yeah, there's the Yankee Bowl. But guess what Bowl probably won't be in Yankee Stadium? Yep, The Super Bowl. (It won't be going into the new Meadowlands Stadium either. Nice job there too, Jets and Giants). Don't give me the "Super Bowls in cold weather cities suck" crap, either. There is a difference between NYC in the winter and Detroit in the winter. There just is. Deal with it.
As much as Jerry Jones is slammed for the excesses of The Heathen Temple to Jones' Avarice Cowboys Stadium, he's still going to make money from indoor events during the off-season. The NBA All-Star Game will be coming to Cowboys Stadium in 2010. The NCAA Final Four will be coming to Cowboys Stadium in 2014. Expect a few more Final Fours in the years afterwards. And oh yeah, Super Bowl XLV will be coming to Jerryworld in 2011. Yankee Stadium will just be standing fallow waiting for baseball season (Yankee Bowl and the occasional NHL outdoor game notwithstanding). Winner: Jerrah.

Medicine Man at Talladega seeks to foil curse



I'd probably find this next story more absurd if it weren't for the fact my fave M*A*S*H* episode may well be the one where with the Buddhist priestess running around exorcising the bad spirits from the 4077. But that's neither here nor there.
Anyhow, officials from Talladega Superspeedway invited Robert Thrower, a Creek medicine man, to remove a curse which according to local legend was placed on the land at the time of the Trail of Tears. (He is also reported as being a Baptist minister along with being a medicine man. Yeah, I'm going to have to check if that's even possible).
The curse in question is blamed for any and all sorts of calamity that has happened at Talladega over the years. Doug Demmons (insert irony here) of The Birmingham News chimed in to add this little nugget:

Maybe restoring balance to Talladega Superspeedway will also restore a sense of balance to a certain famous driver who has experienced great success there but who has lately been feeling frustrated and out of control.


Gee, I wonder who he could be talking about?...



Seriously, I could name any and all sorts of curses that need to be removed from NASCAR:
1)The Car of Tomorrow (I worry about exactly which "Tomorrow" this car comes from. Sadly I fear its from the time when Nicolae Carpathia walks the Earth, and Dippin' Dots are the only desserts allowed.)
2)Jimmy Johnson's string of Chase for the Cup victories.
3)The Chase for the Cup, period.
4)Caution flags every time I blink.
5)The Gopher Cam (at least the "gopher" part)
6)Jeremy Mayfield's personal issues.
7)Tony Stewart's Burger King commercials.


(via Deadspin and Blog of Tommorow)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Just when you thought it was safe to go out this Halloween...

Just when you thought it was safe to go out this Halloween...

Run for your lives!
It's....





BLACK LANTERN TED WILLIAMS!!!!


Don't be fooled by his headlessness. It's merely a flesh wound. It's a known fact that a zombie with Marine training retains his combat skills even while decapitated. Besides, if you think a severed head can't cause too much trouble, then you have obviously have never Re-Animator. (And no, I don't want to explain that one to you. And trust me, what you don't know about Re-Animator won't hurt you.)

(via Deadspin and about every other sports-themed website by now. It took me this long to come up with something funny to say about it, dangit! )

Saturday afternoon fail: "Hey Tim" with...guess who!

Get ready for the most bogus video on the internet yet A day in the life of a certain University of Florida student named Tim. Prepared to be blown away by the lameness.:



Somewhere, the masterminds behind the "Eric Berry for Heisman" videos are laughing at the sheer lameness for this.
Seriously, the fact that this "Tim" is involved with multiple science classes ought to tell you something's amiss. (Tebow's one of them "intelligent design" fellas). Besides it's pretty much public knowledge that Tebow only had one class at Florida...the ever taxing "senior seminar". Besides, ain't it peculiar that not a single Florida student is wearing jean shorts? What are the odds of that?

This one fails on so many levels. Especially when you consider this little gem made a few years ago with a then handsome young quarterback from Boston College:



Gee, I wonder what happened to him? Also I wonder if a video produced by a Catholic school using "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" in it means they'll be playing the Dropkick Murphys in Heaven? Probably not. More of Tebow's kind of music probably. I just hope they Skillet up there.

(via The Sporting Blog)

Move the Jaguars to London? Hey, wait a minute...

David Whitley, writing for Fanhouse, has an interesting suggestion on what to do with the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars...move them to London, where the Patriots and the Buccaneers are playing this weekend.
Gee, what an interesting unique concept. Why didn't somebody think of that sooner? Oh wait someone did.

Michael Tunison's article is a little more forward-looking, reporting the the NFL's desire to add more games in London to the schedule, and the possibility of adding an actual franchise there. Well, they need to put the Jaguars somewhere.


Great minds think alike, I guess.

Carl Edwards flips over Duck Mobile


NASCAR racer Carl Edwards went on one of those Duck Tours in Miami where tourists ride in an amphibious vehicle from the street into the water as part of promoting the final Sprint Cup race of the season at Homestead Miami Speedway . A quite natural thing for a stock car racer to do, correct? (Especially if one of your sponsors is Aflac.)
Well Edwards is also famous for his back flips off the hood of his car after every victory. So guess what happened?



I guess that's the reason Tony Stewart wasn't in the ESPN The Magazine's "Bodies Issue". Nice dork duck hat there at the end. I'd like to see Dale Jr. try to pull that look off. The Aflac Duck must be so proud of him right now.
. Jack Roush probably had a heart attack after seeing that one. I get the feeling there's going to be some extra clauses added to Edwards' contract coming out of this one.

(via From the Marbles)

The NBA's Heart-Shaped Pool of Pain.


Break out the Joy Division. Empty the Bench has come out with it's list of "The NBA's Most Depressing Players of 2009." Leading this year's parade of sadness is Allen Iverson, whose sad slide to the Memphis Grizzlies should be a lesson in morality for players whose careers are slowly eroding. Adam Morrison and Quentin Richardson wrap up the top three on the list.
Personally, I think Blake Griffin should've made the list. He goes first in the NBA Draft...to The L.A. Clippers. There's got to be a Depeche Mode song about this somewhere.( Like maybe this one?) Or maybe Charlotte Bobcats forward Vladimir Radmanovic, who the Lakers traded to get Adam Morrison? Yeah, that one got to hurt. I'll bet he's looking forward for that inevitable meeting with Morrison where Adam shows off his hard(ly)-earned NBA Championship ring.
Yes, the NBA's heart-shaped pool of pain is deep as it is wide. Full of players drowning in sadness that is part misfortune, or even part self-infliction. And despite the millions they earn, they soon find that money can't sooth the pain. The best thing to do? "Just dance to Joy Division, and celebrate the irony."

(via Empty the Bench)

The agony and the irony: Sean Salisbury sues Deadspin

The timing couldn't be better. A couple of days after Deadspin went ape-nuts with stories on ESPN employees' private lives comes word that a former ESPN employee whose history with the site has sued the site for defamation. Yep, Sean Salisbury has sued Gawker Media (Deadspin's parent company) defamation a month or so after Deadspin published a series of e-mail responses between himself and a staff member of the site. There's a John Lennon song about this somewhere, but I can't think of it at the moment. Oh wait...

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Night Freudian Nightmare: Vols fan vs. Bama Fans


It starts out as a jab at Alabama fans (notably Mr. J.T. Bowtie). It ends goes on to a guy wearing a silly costume with a stupid looking mask that makes him look like a catfish. (Insert Jonathan Crompton joke here). What follows features a sequence way too similar to Buffalo Bill's dancing around in his woman-skin suit in Silence of the Lambs. And it ends with some comments about people who take football rivalries way too seriously. It's probably a gonna be a little too saucy for some of you, but I decided to go ahead and embed it since he made some good points. (The Buffalo Bill dance, however, you'll have to find on your own)

Pats-Bucs play in London. Does anybody care?

The Sporting Blog has a couple of articles on the this Sunday's match-up between The New England Patriots and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers over in London. According to one article, the game hasn't really hasn't developed any buzz here or Across the Pond.
Dan Levy comments on the lack of coverage of the game in London. He claimed he could only find mention in a blog involving odds making after looking at a meager couple of sites. Well, he obviously missed this one from the BBC yesterday. Though it's more on the NFL's strategy for adding more games in London in the future. And this one from The Scotsman. And this article here on events surrounding the game for fans. And the British tabloid The Sun has an article featuring pics of...well you can guess what a British tabloid would focus on, can't you now?
But generally, this game just doesn't have a lot going for it. The Bucs are 0-6 and that's probably not going to get any better Sunday.
Michael Tunison's article is a little more forward-looking, reporting the the NFL's desire to add more games in London to the schedule, and the possibility of adding an actual franchise there. Well, they need to put the Jaguars somewhere.
This game is pretty much off the radar for Americans. It won't even be seen in a good chunk of American homes. It's going to part of CBS's package of games this weekend, but large parts of the country will be watching regional coverage. And the ones that will are probably be watching Big Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers vs. Brett the Cute Purple Dinosaur and the Vikings over on FOX. That game is pretty going to be getting almost total coverage across the country.

Drew Magary leads the internet in slamming NFL memes

There seems to be a meme for NFL analysts to declare that various NFL quarterbacks lead the lead the league in something other than actual statistical categories. Such as Peter King claiming that "Matt Schaub leads the NFL in normalcy." Well, Drew Magary at Deadspin decided it would be fun to give all the qb's categories to be the leaders in.
Sadly, the list wasn't as mean-spirted as it could be. Though Magary does take a shot at Phillip rivers that sounds more like Kissing Suzie Kolber territory. (Deadspin, by the way, leads the internet in covering ESPN's sexual hijinks, but I really don't want to go there. But if you must... Just don't say I didn't warn you.)
Though honestly, I think Magary gets it wrong in some areas. Eli Manning as the NFL leader in Innocence? Oh yeah? Then explain THIS!:



Archie and Olivia raised up a little hellion, that's what they did. Eli's gonna wind up on an episode of Juvies one day. (Well, if Juvies was still in production, he would. And if Eli wasn't over 18. And...oh, nevermind!)
And they get big brother Peyton wrong too. The NFL leader in Passion? Well, I guess that Magary didn't want to go with the obvious...Peyton Manning: NFL Leader in Commercials.
These categories are pretty much bogus anyhow. It's trying to give some qb's something to positive to hang their hats besides being known as the NFL leader in Waiting 'Till Next Year. or worse, the NFL Leader in waiting to be replaced by Colt McCoy.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Microsoft +Burger King+Japan=Mutant Whopper

Microsoft and Burger King are joining forces to produce an unique Whopper to celebrate the launch Windows 7 in Japan. Behold...the Windows 7 Whopper! Not one, not two, but seven beef patties stacked upon one another!



I'd like to see Tony Stewart try to finish that one off.

(via engadget )

FOX hires Ozzie Guillen. Oh snap!


SI.com reports FOX Sports has hired Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen for it's World Series coverage. Sadly, it's only for the pregame and post-game shows apparently. Which is sad, because Guillen on play-by-play would even make a Royals vs. Nationals World Series worth watching. And besides, he's give Joe Buck Artie Lang flashbacks. FOX might have to go from a seven second delay to a twenty second delay for this one as it is..

(via Big League Stew)

Minnesota is sorry for Goldie Gopher. Goldie Gopher is even sorrier

Remember Goldy Gopher, the Minnesota Golden Gophers mascot who thought it was funny to mock Penn State DE Jerome Hayes when he was praying? Well if you don't, let me help you.:



Well now the University of Minnesota is apologizing about the act. Their spokesman Dan Wolter said it was "plainly a mistake." Well duh. No word on any punishment for whatever genius was wearing the gopher costume. But if it was a non-Christian guy whose prayers he was mocking he would probably be expelled by now.

(via Rivals.com)

Design-a-Duck


Think you can do a better job with designing an Oregon Duck uniform than Nike? The Oregonian wants to help you unleash your inner Christian Siriano and design a fierce Oregon uni with it's very own "Dress the Ducks" widget.
Sadly, all the combos involve designs from the current season's unis. So you're stuck with those wings on the shoulders that really look ratty. Which is a shame, because I'd like to try something like the digital camo designs that Under Armour came up for Maryland and South Carolina to promote the Wounded Warrior Project on Nov. 14. They're really snazzy looking. And I wish UA would come out with a running shoe or cross trainer with the camo on it. That would be sweet.
(via EDSBS)

UFC doens't take Fedor on CBS lying down.


This may be the least shocking counter-programming news of the day. UFC has announced is will be showing a replay of some recent big fights on Spike to go up against the Strikeforce debut of Fedor Emelianenko on CBS on November 7. UFC Main Events will feature the UFC 102 confrontation between Randy Couture vs Antonio Rodrigo 'Minotauro' Nogueira, among other recent PPV fights. What, you thought Dana White was going to take Fedor fighting on CBS lying down? Heck, if it weren't for UFC 105 (Randy Coluture vs. Vera) being scheduled for the following weekend (Nov 14), there might have been be a live UFC fight on that night. That's just how Dana White rolls. Fedor may be The Last Emperor, but White's the Master of the (MMA) Universe.

(via Fanhouse)

Hold the pickle, hold the sunglasses

Here's Burger King's latest attempt to give it's customers Freudian nightmares (As if the Burger King himself wasn't enough):

Honest to goodness Estrada sunglasses.



For those who don't get the joke, well...it's just easier to explain if you saw it yourself:



I've never doubted Tony Stewart's love for the Whopper, by the way. It's obvious he a huge fan of them. I can see his love for the Whopper grow almost every time I see him. Look, I'm not saying he's fat, but there's a reason why ESPN: The Magazine photographed Carl Edwards for it's Body Issue and not him.

Anyhow, Burger King has actually produced some of those Estrada sunglasses and is selling them on E-Bay. If you want proof, Jay Busbee of From the Marbles fame has received a pair of these little uh, gems. The good news is that the proceeds go to Burger King's Have It Your Way Foundation, which funds scholarships and community projects. So at least the years of mental scarring these glasses physical existence cause will be going for a good cause.

(via From the Marbles)

Fame reenactment breaks out during Phillies' fans celebration

Phillies fans are celebrating their team's return to the World Series. Maybe a little too much as it seems.



"I'm gonna live forever! I'm gonna learn how to...oops!"

(via Deadspin)

How do you spell BCS? M-O-N-E-Y

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) wants President Obama to sic the Justice Department on the BCS, calling into question whether it violates anti-trust legislation.
Look, let's just get down to what this is all about: money. Hatch is p.o'ed about the distribution of cash as least as much as he is that the Utes got punked out of the BCS championship. Here's what he said in a essay in the July 6 issue of Sports Illustrated:

In addition, every team from a preferred conference automatically receives a share from an enormous pot of revenue generated by the BCS, even if they fail to win a single game. On the other hand, teams from the less-favored conferences are guaranteed to receive a much smaller share, no matter how many games they win. The numbers are staggering. Last year the Mountain West Conference had one team qualify for the BCS, Utah, as did three of the automatic-bid conferences. Yet under the BCS formula the Mountain West received $9.8 million—roughly half of what the three bigger conferences got. And despite having the nation's only other undefeated team, Boise State, the Western Athletic Conference received just $3.2 million in BCS revenue.


It's pretty much stupid that the BCS doesn't try to get the WAC and Mountain West involved anyway. The Rocky Mountain states are one of the fastest growing areas in the U.S. Utah was percentage-wise the fastest growing state of the Union. The slowest growing states? Michigan, Rhode Island and (which both lost people) and Ohio. (Those are Wiki facts, but they're the best I could find) And outside Virginia, there's not a state with Big 10 or Big East in the top twenty.
It's too bad the BCS isn't really run like a business. It would have brought in the Mountain West and WAC years ago to expand their market. As the BCS seems to be more of an old boy's club, it stays short-sighted when it comes to making an honest profit.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Thanks, everybody

Yesterday, SWRT got it's 100th visitor since I added the counter. Today, it's reached 150. Thanks to everybody who's taken a look at the site. That goes double for those who have made a second or third trip (or more).
By the way there is a Shirts With Random Triangles Facebook page. Check it out if you want to learn when there's a new entry or you want to make some new friends. Just be gentle with the constrictive criticism.

Hey runners: Wanna go ape in Denver?

Halloween will be marked in Denver by an attempt to break the world record for most people wearing in gorilla suits in the same place. Even better, they'll be running in them. The Denver Gorilla Run (now in it's sixth year) is a benifit for The Mountain Gorilla Conversation Fund, which as you would guess, seeks to aid in the preservation of the Mountain Gorilla and its habitat in Africa. There will be an attempt to break the Guiness world record for most "People Dressed as Gorillas" (yes, there's apparently a category for that). Woody Paige used his "Showdown" victory on Around the Horn to promote this event, so it sounds like a good cause. Click on the links to check it out.

NBA and Refs' union make a deal

It looks like the long national nightmare of the NBA referee lockout is over. The NBA and the referee's union have reached an agreement on a new deal. It looks like the replacement refs will have to go back to the D-League and the WNBA (oh wait, the WNBA season's over. Oh wait, is the WNBA still around?) It looks like America will just have to be satisfied with slamming MLB umpires and SEC referee crews.

Vikings, Childress working on new deal?

Brad Childress may be getting a new contract, at least according to NBC Sports. It would seem that signing everyone's favorite Green Purple Dinosaur is beginning to do the magic Childress wanted: keeping his butt out of the hot seat. Minnesota may be getting ahead of itself here.
A 6-0 schedule sound good, but half of those victories are from facing junk teams (Lions, Browns, Rams). The Vikings squeaked by The Ravens (3-3) last week, and the Packers and 49ers kept their losses reasonably close. This weeks up-coming game against the Steelers may well be the game which tells how good the Vikings are. And Minnesota still hasn't faced Chicago yet.
And those victories? They probably had more to do with Barney and The Repitllian than Childress' stellar coaching skills.
The Vikings should probably be planning on how to deal with the inevitable post-season Favre "retirement"/"non-retirement"/"I'm too good for training camp schtick that made Green Bay tire of him in the first place. Then again, re-upping Childress may just be the first step in trying to see that doesn't happen.
(via The Sporting Blog)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Mocking opposing team player's religious beliefs never a good idea

It seems Minnesota's furry mascot, something known as Goldie Gopher, decided it would be fun to mock Penn State DE Jerome Hayes while he was praying.



Minnesota lost the game 20-0. I'm not saying, but it does make you think, don't it?

(via Deadspin and YouTube )

Lane Kiffin back to being Lane Kiffin

It took a couple of weeks after Tennessee's dismantling of UGA, but Lane Kiffin finally has done something to remind everyone that yes, he's Lane Kiffin. Seems that Kiffin thought it'd be a neat idea to see if The Vols could wear their frosted orange home jerseys when they play Alabama in Tuscaloosa this weekend. Needless to say, Alabama shot that idea down pretty quick.
Kiffin probably should've though this genius idea out a little before he opened his mouth. It's hard to think that he he didn't know the reasons why 'Bama fans probably hate Tennessee more than any team outside of Alabama Polytechnic Auburn.
It has a little to do with Kiffin's predecessor Phil Fulmer ratting out Alabama in an NCAA investigation of recruiting violations in 2000 (someone at 'Bama forgot that you can't pay recruits to come play for their school. That or they just didn't give a darn). It was a pretty nasty and complicated affair, and led to a lot of hate for Fulmer. (I'm surprised that The Alabama legislature hasn't made the anniversary of Fulmer's Nov. 4, 2008 resignation/firing a state holiday yet).
Did Kiffin really think that Alabama was going to take the idea of the Vols wearing their home jerseys seriously? Just because he's not fat and named Fulmer doesn't mean 'Bama's hatred for the Vols has lessened any. In many ways it could be argued that Kiffin's antics in the off season made things worse.
Tennessee's overachieving this year (if you can call 3-3 overachieving), staying competitive in the team's three losses. But this far from the Vols of the days of Peyton Manning. Kiffin should be more worried about how well the Vols play, as opposed to how they're dressed.

(via The Sporting Blog and Volunteer TV)

Duke was the kind of team that rooted for bad guys in the movies

The Duke basketball team has released their 2009-2010 team photo:



To these guys, being a Duke Blue Devil was better than being President of the United States.
Hey, it could be worse. Deadspin has an entire collection of bad football team photos. Most of them filled with imagery bound to give you Freudian nightmares. At least the Dookies kept their shirts on.

(via The Dagger)

Oops!

Just had to share this one.



I had heard the stories of this happening when the wii came out, but I never actually saw it happen until now. I guess that's one urban legend down. What next, a verifiable chupacabra sighting?

(via Plugged In)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Broncos win, But socks are still losers


The Broncos are 6-0 after a Monday Night Football 34-23 win against the Chargers. Sadly they did it in retro unis only slightly less uglier than last weeks brown and yellow monstrosities, but only because they were the away versions. And the vertically striped socks were black and white instead of gold and brown ones. It will be such a good thing when this AFL 50th anniversary thing is over.
And San Diego wore their original powder blue unis that some sports reporters romanticize to no end. Personally, there a little dull. At least the helmets are. It seems more like a case of nostalgia making things look better.
The Broncos are still looking like a genuine contender for the Super Bowl, however. Which is surprising after a chaotic off-season. The Bronco's previous 6-0 starts have led to the Super Bowl, the last two leading to victories. We'll have to see how this run ends.
The socks were there. No sign of Josh McDaniels Nazi salute, though.

An obsession with Michael Phelps obsession

There seems to be a growing online obsession with Michael Phelps growing obsession with black automobiles. And a few websites seem to have a growing obsession covering his obsession. In a short amount of time, Phelps has been seen with three black vehicles, and like any white twenty-something millionaire dork, has a need to stand in front of them trying to look all gangsta. Instead he looks like a white twenty-something dork.
Gawker sites Deadspin and Jalopnik, and Celeberty Cars Blog (unowned by Gawker) have been posting pics of Phelps new rides. you could click there, or you could just be lazy and look at 'em here:




Here's Phelps' Mercedes Benz SL63. It goes perfect with his black t-shirt, orange gym shorts, and black baseball cap he can seem to wear straight.


Here Phelps is with his Range Rover. The long sleeve white shirt works well with the the blue shorts with white trim and sandals and backwards black cap. The looks says "white dork trying to look gangsta like nothing does.


Here's Phelps with his BMW Series 7 (apparently an older ride). The classic slacker look of t-shirt with animal print layered over a long sleeve white t-shirt, jeans and sneakers is a welcome change of pace for Phelps.

It is kind of sad that an American icon like Michael Phelps can't seem to purchase an American made vehicle. Hey Mike, I can hook you up with a guy if you're looking for a Ford F-150.
It's even sadder to see Deadspin joining in the obsession with Phelps' auto tastes. Would AJ and the boys rather see Phelps spending his millions on bong parties? Wait, what am I saying?