Thursday, December 31, 2009

Dawgageddon: The search continues

It looks like Mark Richt's long, tedious search for Willie Martinez's replacement as defense coordinator will continue into the new year. Yet another candidate, John Chavis is staying put at LSU. It's seriously looking like the reality TV idea is looking like Richt's best chance to save face right now. That or to just go ahead and give the job to Rodney Garner, even though Richt says he's not up for it.

(via Athens Banner-Herald)

Just when Texas Tech thought their troubles were over with Mike Leach gone...

Pat Knight decides to have a little bit of a cussing session at the end the post-game interview following a 90-75 beatdown from New Mexico.

Like father, like son? Think about it.
Not quite up to dad's greatness, or Mike Leach's "fat little girlfriends" line. But 'tis enough, 'twill serve.

(via The Sporting Blog)

Tuberville to Texas Tech? Not so fast.

Who will replace Mike Leach at Texas Tech? Well it's doubtful that TT will give into temptation and hire Ruffin McNeil full time. Well there seems to be a candidate out there if Texas Tech if willing to take a chance on him. That would be former Auburn head coach Tommy Tuberville.
Tuberville to Texas Tech sounds like a no-brainer at first. He did a tremendous job at Auburn. Then comes the reminder of why Tuberville isn't at Auburn anymore. That would be his infamous relationship with booster Bobby Lowder. The Tuberville-Lowder relationship may be the worst coach-booster relationship in history. At least when the two are on opposing sides.
Think about this. You're Texas Tech Athletic Director Gerald Meyers. Would you really replace a coach who had a contentious relationship with the administration with a coach with the most volitile relationships with a booster in NCAA history? Yeah, it doesn't make too much sense either.
At one point one would assume that Texas Tech would get the idea that coaches with authority issues might not be a good hire. Mind you, this is the school that hired Bobby Knight as basketball coach after his years of, well, being Bobby Knight. But Knight's dealings with the school weren't as nasty as they got with signing Leach to a new deal earlier in the year. And Knight didn't rub boosters the wrong way that Tuberville did.
Tuberville's interest in Texas Tech would bring a "Heck yeah!" to any school's fans. But on further thought, it seems like the school would be setting itself up for another fall with a coach who doesn't play well with those in authority. It might be worth the risk, but it would be a definite "proceed with caution" situation.

(via ESPN)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Song Sung Suh

Thanks to the end of the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl, most of America missed the winning touchdown of the Pacific Life Holliday Bowl. Sadly that came within the first thirty seconds of the actual game time. The rest of the game was basically Nebraska cleaning Arizona 33-0.
Whick brings me to the topic of this blog entry.
Ndamukong Suh wasn't much of a story with three tackles, but that didn't matter. Arizona couldn't have scored if Alvin and the Chipmunks comprised the defense. The bad thing was that my mind started coming up with songs about Suh, or at least song titles:

"Here Comes the Suh"
"How Suh Is Now?"
"The House of the Rising Suh"
"Seasons in the Suh"
"Riders On the Suh"
"Song of the Suh"
"Papa Was a Rolling Suh"
"Stop! In the Name of Suh"
"A Deeper Shade of Suh"
"Suh Stole the Sun From My Heart"
"To Suh With Love"
"Suh Will Tear Us Apart"
"Staring At the Suh"

I should probably stop now before somebody gets hurt.

Meet Ruffin McNeil

This is Ruffin McNeil, the interim head coach for Texas Tech now that Rich Leach is Texas Toast. He was the Red Raiders' Defensive Coordinator under Leach and also coached linebackers. McNeil will be coaching Texas Tech in the Alamo Bowl on January 2, 2010 against Michigan State.
No word if Ruffin McNeil has a brother named Kendricks. Or if his papa was a rolling stone*.

(Yeah, yeah, that one was after Ruffin and Kendricks left the Temptations.)

Mike Leach is Texas Toast

Mike Leach has been fired from Texas Tech after the controversy involving his handling of player Adam James' concussion. Not a shocker. Leach and the school had a volatile relationship in the first place. On top of that, concussions and head injuries in sports have become such a big issue that Congress has held hearings on it. The NFL has even started changing it's policies on concussions, backpedalling in a way the NFL never does. In that environment, Texas Tech couldn't keep him on the payroll.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Tim Tebow tributes get into full swing.

What are we going to do without Tim Tebow once he fades into third round draft pick obscurity? Find someone else to recycle old Chuck Norris jokes with, I guess. Anyhow, has come up with their top eleven Tim Tebow jokes, "because we just couldn’t stop at 10. However, Tim Tebow can eat just one Lay’s potato chip," as they say.
Frankly, I got tired of Tim Tebow/Chuck Norris/Most Interesting Man in the World jokes a while ago. Honestly Jay-Z boast of making "the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can" is better than most Chuck Norris jokes combined. The exception would be Johnny Carson's claim back around 1985 that Norris was going to save Rambo in his next film. (Johnny Carson invented the Chuck Norris joke, in my opinion. Someone find me the video on this.)
Meanwhile Dan Shanoff over at TIMTEBLOG is counting down the Top Tebow Moments. Somehow I'm doubting this makes the list:

Or this one:

And this one was totally fake. But dang, it's still funny:

Circumcising boys in the Philippines does get the nod at No.8, however.


Terence Moore has a thinking problem over Urban Meyer

Just when I think Terence Moore can't write something more stupid, he goes and writes something more stupid. This time, the Fanhouse columnist goes on record as saying Florida shouldn't have taken Urban Meyer back after his resignation. And pretty snottily too.
On one hand, Moore has a hard time believing Meyer's story about his health. In fact he goes on to claim that what Meyer was really stressing over was Brian Kelly getting his Notre Dame "dream job." Oh. Child. Please. Anybody short of Elvis Costello could have told you that the Notre Dame Job is more footnote than dreamboat these days. Besides, Florida is the Notre Dame of its time.
On the other hand, Moore says that if Meyer's truthful about his health he's a medical liability to Florida. Not really. A leave of absence allows more time for a proper assessment of Meyer's condition. If he needs time off for surgery, it's there. If the doctors say Meyer should hang his whistle up, then Florida has Steve Addazio in place for at least a year, while AD Jeremy Foley can quietly scout a replacement (if Addazio bombs) without running around like a headless chicken.
On the third hand (I guess Terence Moore is a Motie now?) Moore suggests that Meyer's "retirement" wouldn't last and he'd be back coaching, but that Florida should force Meyer into staying retired and moving something such as a commentating position like Al McGuire's Moore claims this happened because Marquette wouldn't let him come out of retirement to coach the Milwalkee Bucks, and thus "saved McGuire from himself". (I guess through contractual maneuvers, but Moore doesn't really explain how). That was in the Seventies, when medical knowledge and technology wasn't as advanced as it is now. Florida and Meyer's doctors can easily help determine the right course for Meyer and his condition.
Moore is (as usual) being foolish on all extremes. Meyer's health is an issue, but not one that has to be so draconianly handled by Florida. It's in Florida's best interest that they give Meyer time the proper time and space to make take care of himself and take more consideration into his future.

(via Fanhouse)


What's that, Reveille? The Aggies have fallen down a well and can't get out? Yeah, that's gonna be a tricky one there, girl. There's not a long enough rope to get the program out from where its gone. At least not one that's somewhat fireproof.
It's easy to see why you're a little melancholy over the Aggies loss to Georgia in the Independence Bowl. Ha! Ha! Melancholy, get it? You're a collie. Not to dwell on the point, but a collie isn't exactly the most inspiring of mascots there. I know it's kind of hard to compete with good 'ol Taco Meat in Texas, but sheesh! A collie? I expect something a little more, well, Texasy out of Texas, dangit! A collie is more, well, Texasissy.
I guess all the good breeds were taken. The Tennessee Vols have those bluetick coonhounds. And the Georgia Bulldogs have ..well, duh! Oh, did I mention Georgia? It it too soon to mention Georgia? Oops! I said it again. Sorry about that, girl.
I can tell the sorry state of Texas A&M football is heavy on you mind there, Reveille. With Texas getting ready for the BCS Championship while watching the Aggies crash and burn in the Independence Bowl things can't be too happy around College Station. Worse yet, there's Texas Tech who have pretty much stolen A&M's role as the No. 2 football school in the Lone Star State. And SMU looks like it's finally recovering from the Death Penalty of 1987. But look on the bright side, there's always Baylor to look down on.

(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Batten down the hatches! Texas tech suspends Mike Leach

Texas Tech head coach (and pirate enthusiast) Mike Leach has been indefinitely suspended after the administration "received a complaint from the unnamed player and his parents regarding his treatment by Leach after an undisclosed injury." No word how Mangino-esque the complaints might be. Expect lame pirate related jokes over the internet to follow.

(via ESPN)

A special message from Keith Olbermann...

Memo to Deadspin : If you're going to start dragging up embarrassing commercials featuring Dan Patrick and third-rate restaurant chains, they might as well drag this one out of the YouTube ether:

Oh look, a twofer!

Just something to remember when K.O. mocks Glenn Beck's hawking gold for his sponsors.

(via Deadspin, YouTube)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Dawgageddon: How to tell if your bowl game sucks

Dawg fans rejoice! It almost time for the Advocare V100 Independence Bowl in beautiful Shreveport, LA. Oh, look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Look at the vitamins falling out of the sky.
The Bulldog Nation should revel in the fact that the hated Willie Martinez will not be the defensive coordinator for this game. The bad news? It looks like nobody else wants the job. The Dawg's defense will be handled by line coach Rodney Garner and a couple of graduate assistants. If that news doesn't a premature "Aggie Dance" in College Station, nothing will.
(And if you have to ask what the "Aggie Dance" is, a) You're too young, b) you really don't need to know, and c)You have limited knowledge of Broadway (you lucky dog! I wish I was you.)).
Of course it's still the Independence Bowl. Want to know how bad the Independence Bowl sucks? It's on ESPN2 at 5:00 PM EST. That would make sense if there was another game or some other sporting event scheduled on ESPN. The truth? ESPN has it's normal everyday programming scheduled at that time. That's right, ESPN would rather show Stat Boy Tony Reali and Woody Paige instead of an SEC football team vs. a Big 12 team in a bowl game. That all but says your bowl sucks and you suck.
Hey, it could be worse. Georgia could've been in the Little Caesars Bowl in Detroit. But at least that game had enough respect to be shown on a Saturday on ESPN, and not relegated to ESPN2 up against Kornheiser and Wilbon.
The Bulldogs have pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel when it comes to bowl games. Another year like this and Martinez won't be the only ex-coach form the 2009 staff to looking for a job around Christmas.

Undercover Boss afteer the Super Bowl? Please kill me now.

What the networks put on after the Super Bowl can be as big as the commercials at times. NBC debuted The A-Team after Super Bowl XVII. ABC's broadcast of Super Bowl XXII was followed by the series premiere of The Wonder Years. At other times, the networks have put on episodes of their big series, such as CBS showing the premiere episode of Survivor: The Australian Outback after Super Bowl XXXV in 2001.
So what is going on CBS's schedule following Super Bowl XLIV? Something called Undercover Boss. A reality show where "high-level chief executives slip anonymously into the rank and file of their companies."
What the...?
This is the best CBS has got? This is the network with Survivor, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, and umpteen versions of CSI and its sundry knockoffs. All of these choices and CBS picks a reality show that already has "SUCK" written all over it?
This could be explained by the zeitgeist of the post-financial crisis world. What blue-collar wouldn't want to see their CEO doing the dirty work for once. But Undercover Boss in the coveted post Super Bowl slot? Oh child, please.
If CBS was wanting to promote a show from it's Sunday line-up, why not go with the obvious choice and debut a new season of The Amazing Race after the Super Bowl? It's been doing decent numbers on Sunday nights, even in the face of NFL Sunday Night Football on NBC. It would be a perfect way to promote what is without a doubt the best reality show on TV on a regular basis, at least quality-wise.
Hopefully, Undercover Boss is just a placeholder until CBS can come up with something big for a very special 60 Minutes interview with Tiger Woods or something as juicy. Otherwise, the programming department at CBS has a lot of

Meyer staying at Florida?

ESPN is reporting that Urban Meyer is having second thoughts about retiring and will "take an indefinite leave of absence" instead. The Gators' offensive coordinator Steve Adazzio would take over the coaching duties Meyer is ready to return.
While a lot of Gator fans will be having a sigh of relief over this news, there are a few questions raised when it comes to how the Gators will handle things between now and the start of the 2010 season. Recruiting may be an issue if potential recruits aren't sure of who will be coaching in the fall. There is also to huge possibility that Meyer's health might ultimately cause him to step down at some point before the season starts.
While tapping Adazzio to hold down the fort squashes any succession issues, it does call in to question what happens in the long run. If Adazzio has to ultimately step in take over at coach full time, it could get messy if things go south in Gainesville.
If it sounds like the Urban Meyer retirement drama in The Swamp is over don't count on it. There are whole new pools of drama left over that could be issues between now and September of 2010.

(via ESPN)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

With Meyer leaving Florida, let the mindless succession talk begin.

Urban Meyer's departure from Florida after the Sugar Bowl is going to launch a whole lot of speculation, it it hasn't already. Everybody and their dog is going to have their choice for who they would like to see replace Meyer as the Gators' coach. And the first one to suggest Tebow needs to be have their internet privileges revoked.
After Ron Zook's crash and burn it's doubtful that Florida goes the promote-the assistant coach route. Former Florida offensive coordinator and current Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen is already getting nods. As is Charlie Strong, who just took the job as Louisville head coach. Mullin I can see, but Strong would probably lose a lot of face if he quit Louisville now.
There will probably be a lot of calls for Jon Gruden. Expect Tommy Tuberville to get a few votes too. There's already talk of Bob Stoops as Florida coach (please kill me now).
What would be really funny? Charlie Weis. Think about it. Irony on irony there. Though I wouldn't hold my breath there if I were you.
Who do I think might get a serious look? Utah's Kyle Whittingham (left). He was Meyer's defensive coordinator at Utah, and succeeded Meyer as head coach. His record is 47-17, with five bowl victories. One of those bowl victories was against Alabama in the 2009 Sugar Bowl. And Bernie Machen, President of the University of Florida, was the former President of the University of Florida. Don't be surprised to find Whittingham at the top of the list.
Expect the chatter over the battle for Urban Meyer's cowl to be more hot and heated than the actual search. There's going to be a lot of silly talk will very little substance. But keep in mind that if Florida is looking for a Meyer-like coach, Kyle Whittingham fits the bill perfectly.



Okay, that was lame. But it does bring up an excuse to mention that DC Comics is planning on reprinting Superman Vs. Muhammad Ali in 2010. This was originally published as a giant-sized comic featuring artwork by the legendary Neal Adams. Whether this is in conjunction with the 50th anniversary of Ali winning the gold medal in the 1960 Rome Olympics is unknown.

(via DC Universe: The Source. With a big tip to Bubbakanoosh over at The Outhouse for the tip

Friday, December 25, 2009

The Emerald Bowl: Lamest bowl with coolest name?

The Emerald Bowl may be the coolest named or the really sucky bowls. Sure it's named after a brand of nuts, but it's still better sounding than the Little Caesars Bowl (Also being played Saturday).
For a crummy bowl, the Emerald Bowl does have a lot going for it. It's in San Francisco, which beats Shreveport, LA any day. Plus, it does have a really cool sounding name. This year it has USC vs. Boston College. The Trojans less-than-stellar season should prove a boon to the Emerald Bowl, at least in the ratings.
What's really crummy about the Emerald Bowl? The winner doesn't actually get an emerald bowl as a trophy. It's just another generic looking trophy. Does finding a glassmaker to make a bowl out of green glass or crystal really cost that much? If you're going to play something called the Emerald Bowl, you ought to at least try to have something emerald relating to it, don't you think?

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Stanford Tree

(Okay, too freaking obvious for Christmas. But hey, at least it out of the way now.)

Oh Stanford Tree, oh Stanford Tree. You're lameness is appalling. You're not even official mascot. You' re something the Stanford band uses to thumb it's nose at the university's leadership. Blame the university for a)Not having anything resembling a spine and/or a set of chalupas and putting up with such foolishness. And b)Not having enough brains to actually designate an official mascot.
Of course such foolishness could only come in the wake of political correctness. Stanford's nickname used to be the Indians, but Native American students protested and the name was dropped in 1972. Stanford was known as the Cardinals between 1972-1981, when the school decided to get cutesy and started calling itself the Cardinal, as in the shade of red.
What Stanford didn't do was designate a new mascot. With the Stanford band left to their own devices (and no, that's not a good idea), the Tree developed. The Tree is used on the Stanford logo, and some genius decided to turn that into an unofficial costumed mascot.
It such lameness like The Stanford Tree that makes you want to go out and chop down a redwood or two.


Merry Christmas! Thanks to everybody who has visited SWRT since it started in August. I'm amazed at how quickly this blog had gotten to over 4200 hits. Thanks for that. Keep checking in to see what's up. And don't be surprised if another Christmas themed [BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Shows up today. And maybe a couple of other things too.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


"Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say...
[BLEEP] YOU, Bagno!"
Okay, so it the Milwaukee Bucks mascot doesn't quite qualify in the "Eight Tiny Reindeer" catagory. Work with me here. Besides, if you know a team that has an actual reindeer for a mascot, well thanks for keeping it a secret.
Bango's lucky that he has some level of acrobatic prowess, because otherwise he'd probably be venison. Look at that set of horns. He's not quite an eight pointer there. is he now? Do you think Bill Jordan or Michael Waddell want that hanging on the wall? Nope. Bango would be going straight to the deer processor to put meat on the table. I'm sure he'd make a nice Christmas dinner for some family.

(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

The Pac-10 looking into expansion?

First the Big 10 talks expansion, now Joe Shcad tweets that the Pac 10 may be joining the 21st century. Schad tweeted that the Pac-10's commissioner Larry Scott was "open to expansion discussion." Yes, Virginia. There may really be a Santa Claus after all!
Schad suggests the Pac-10 go after "BYU or Utah." While going after at least one Utah school is a good idea, two might be a little much. One Utah school would be enough to expand into that market. What the Pac-10 needs to do is go after Boise St. or a school in Colorado, such as Colorado or Air Force. Boise St. may be more desirable to fans, but Colorado is the larger and more lucrative market. Sure Colorado is a Big 12 school, but it's not like BCS conferences haven't raided each other before (like when the ACC raided the Big East).
The possibility of the most Jurassic of BCS conferences even thinking about expanding is a glimmer of hope for progress. Any sign that the Pac-10 may be open for change is good. It's not a guarantee things will change, but it's a positive pointing in that direction.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Herky the Hawk

Is there anything more pathetic than a mascot dressed up as a football player? Well how about the name of a mascot? This is Herky the Hawk. And no, his mama didn't name him that . That distinction goes to John Franklin. Herky is supposed to be a shortened version of Hercules. Yeah, I'm not seeing it either. Herky's frame looks more like the Charles Atlas "before" pictures. Not quite as inspiring as his creators expected.
Herky looks pathetic in that uniform, doesn't he? He looks more chicken hawk than an actual hawk. Heck, Tony Hawk looks more intimidating than Herky here. Feel free to put on some shoulder pads there, Herky. At least it would look like he was trying.

(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Goodbye Atlanta Braves. Hello Liberty Media Surrender Monkeys

It's official now. The Braves will not be trying to be a competitive team anymore. Instead of resigning Adam LaRoche or trying to get another relevant hitter, the Braves signed damaged goods Troy Glaus. Enough sign of a team that's not trying to win it all.
Braves fans have to face the facts. Liberty Media doesn't care about winning games. The Atlanta Braves mean nothing to them, and neither does the city of Atlanta. It's just an insignificant part of the company. If there's any good news to that notion, it's that they will probably sell the team the first chance they get. But by then the Braves will be a ruined husk of themselves. It will take years for them to get back into playoff contention. If ever.
It's over Braves' fans. Time to replace all of those division pennants in Turner Field with little white surrender flags. Or better yet, maybe little French flags. That's perfect for what the Braves have become: Liberty Media's Surrender Monkeys.


Griffin vs. Bonnar: Sporting Event of the Decade?

MMA has declared the first Ultimate Fighter Finale fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar as the Fight of the Decade. Total no-brainer there. No MMA fight has been as important to the sport before or since. Which brings up the fight for consideration for another title: Sporting Event of the Decade.
Sounds a little too much? Consider this; there probably isn't an individual event that meant as much to a sport as the Griffin-Bonnar fight did for MMA. Not only did it save the UFC, but it's led the way for all of MMA to enter the mainstream. Without TUF, UFC might have gone under. Strikeforce (and EliteXC before it) probably wouldn't have been shown on CBS. Tapout might not have become a clothing line big enough to sell in major sporting goods stores. Forrest Griffin might still be a cop or a patrol officer in Athens, GA.
The Griffin-Bonnar fight is to MMA what Super Bowl III was to the NFL. Or what the 1979 NCAA Basketball Championship Game with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird was for college basketball. Or what Tony Hawk's 900 was for skateboarding (and action sports in general). It was the event that put the sport on the map. It can hardly be said for any Super Bowl or World Series this decade.
Sure there have been great Super Bowls and World Series and other such events this decade. But none of these had the impact the Griffin-Bonnar fight has had on their sports. Even the Red Sox reversing the curse in the 2004 World Series was virtually anti-climatic. Super Bowl XXXVI, which signaled the beginning of the Patriots' dynasty may come close. But that was more for an individual team than for an entire sport. It was hardly what you could call a game-changer.
It may be a stretch to call the Griffin-Bonnar fight the Sporting Event of the Decade to many. But no sporting event this decade has had the lasting impact on a sport and its place in society. That is how greatness is really defined. It's not just how good or how big an event was, but how much of an impact it had in the end.

(via MMA

And if you think Braves' fans hate the Vazquez-Cabrera deal...

Wait till you hear what some Yankee fans think of it.

(via IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAIR, IT IS...caught)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Move over, Mona Lisa. Here comes Tebow-inspired art.

Ripley's Believe It or Not! Orlando Odditorium has a new exhibit on display guessed it! Tim Tebow. This one is a portrait of Tebow made from 46,000 Airsoft bb's. What, you were expecting oil paints on canvas? This is Ripley's we're talking about here!
Here's what the object in question, created by an unnamed UF grad student.

Don't look at it too long, or you'll shoot your eye out.

(via TIMTEBLOG, my fox Tampa Bay )

It's the Hot Stove League, Frank Wren. And all you get is a rock.

There's a phrase that goes through my head this time of year when the Braves are working the Hot Stove League: "All I got was a rock."
That's what Charlie Brown said in It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown when he and the Peanuts gang went trick-or-treating. The rest of the gang got candy. All Charlie Brown got was a rock. Today the Braves traded pitcher Javier Vazquez to the Yankees for Melky Cabrera and some prospects. Another year, another rock.
Frank Wren has shown about zero as a general manager. He traded Jeff Francoeur for R**n Church. How did that deal work out? He signed Derek Lowe, who underperformed all last year.
And now Vazquez gets traded to the Yankees for a lesser bat.
Another year, another rock.

It had to happen: The NFL on FOX robot gets his own action figure.

We live in a world where every obscure Star Wars character with at least five seconds of screen time gets an action figure. So its not surprising that someone has come out with an action figure of Cletus, the NFL on FOX robot. Foamheads, the company also known for lame football-themed headgear, is the company to blame for this little gem, perfect for last-minute Alex P. Keatonesque gifting.
Wait, it guess worse. Foamheads has Cletus figures in variations for 28 out of 32 NFL teams. Fan of the Lions, Jaguars, or Ravens? Sorry, you're out of luck. Or maybe you're in luck, as the case may be.
(via Deadspin)

Tebow has something else Matthew Stafford doesn't

I guess we can add something else to the list of things Tim Tebow has that Matthew Stafford doesn't. Tim Tebow graduated from Florida this weekend, with a degree in family, youth and community sciences. This means he has a degree to go along with his Heisman Trophy and two BCS Championships. Stafford does have a Sugar Bowl win that Tebow doesn't. But Tebow should be getting his against a Brian Kelly-less Cincinnati on New Years Day, 2010.

(via Gainesville Sun, TIMTEABLOG)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Nike's MVPuppets deck the halls with boughs of lameness

Nike delivered its latest package of lameness from the MVPuppets this weekend. You know, those stupid ads with the Kobe Bryant and LeBron James puppets? The ones that may have had you wishing for a "Dan and Dave"-like finish to the season (which pretty much happened)?
This time Kobe and LeBron's puppet avatars aid Santa (voiced by KRS-One) in warding off a playground challenge from Blitzen (voiced by Lupe Fiasco) and some of the other Reindeer. No, Rudolph wasn't involved. He still doesn't get get invited to play in any reindeer games. (That and Nike was too cheap to pay the company that holds the rights to Rudolph. )

Anyhow the series starts with Blitzen challenging Santa.

Next comes Santa trash-talking back to hit reinder. Sadly, no mention of the word "venison."

(Notice the name "Rudoplh" was blepped out? I told you Nike was too cheap to pay for the rights. Man up, Phil Knight!)

Oh course there comes the inevitable showdown, and well. you really didn't think Kobe and LeBron's little puppet avatars were going to be taken out by a few tiny reindeer, did you?

It would be more impressing if they were facing Little Penny, Larry Johnson and his Grandmama. (And that actually could could happen. Nike owns Converse. No rights problem there.)

(via Ball Don't Lie, First Cuts)

ESPN columnist's argument against Big Ten expansion empty of facts

Memo to ESPN online columnists: Can you please cut back on the mindless cultural psychobabble impersonating a rational argument?
Sunday gave America two pieces of sociological gobbledygook from ESPN. One was comparing the SEC to the Yankees, and complaining about the fact that SEC coaches get paid more than other coaches and school officials. Big deal. Then Jeff MacGregor wrote an even more mindless piece against Big Ten expansion.
It wouldn't have been bad if MacGregor was basing his argument on something like hard facts. Instead, he gives vague generalities without any useful information to prove his argument. Take this piece of psychobabble, for example:

"Is there a single corner of American life, from housing to Hollywood, coffee shops to shopping malls, left unruined by our compulsive half-century rush to bloat? Or by our obsessive need to profit from our obsessive needs?

American houses: bigger. American mortgages: bigger. American cars: bigger. American movies: bigger. American banks: bigger. American stores: bigger.

Americans: Bigger

How's all that working out for you?

America! Too big to fail!"

That's pretty much the article: a lot of talk-radioish bluster more worthy of a Deadspin parody of a Peggy Noonan column (if Noonan was a liberal). MacGregor's piece is totally devoid of any genuine facts to back up his assertion.

Any kind of facts would have helped MacGregor's point. A passing mention of how well ACC expansion has gone would have been argument enough. But an endless string of baseless assertions and generalities doesn't make a persuasive argument.

It also ignores the truth. The Big Ten is getting irrelevant because of the lack of a championship game in December. A Chicago Tribune article uses pretty good facts as to why the conference needs to expand. MacGregor could've used it as a good template for his argument on why it shouldn't.

(via ESPN)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The SEC is "The Yankees of the college game?" Them's fightin' words.

Leave it to ESPN to start the week off with a bad analogy for the SEC. The World Wide Leader took a look at the economics of the SEC and declared it "the New York Yankees of college football conferences." There are still parts of the South where being called a "Yankee" is about the worst thing you could call someone. All the while acting like this was something bad.
Of course the issue is money, and the fact that the coaches make a whole lot of it. This is of course used as an excuse to bash the salaries that college coaches are paid. Needless to say, the article then proceeds to degenerate into the usual haves-versus-have-nots mess. In short, it's a long article that really doesn't say anything new or anything to improve the situation. Or anything much at all for that matter.

(via ESPN)

The NFL wants...BRAINS!!!

The AP is reporting that the NFL is asking players to donate their brains to science. According to the report, the League is teaming up with Boston University Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy to study the effects of head trauma in football players. This comes after much criticism of the League's handling of the issue, and sever major on-field incidents (such as the recent concussion of Ben Roethlisberger).
Of course this is what the NFL claims the brains will be used for.
On the other hand...

(via South Bend Tribune)

Tim Cowlishaw gives praise to Jerry Jones' Heathen Temple

You would think that Around the Horn panelist and BCS Tool Tim Cowlishaw would take time in his column to gloat over Dallas crushing New Orleans' dreams of perfection. Nope.
Or maybe get closer to home gloat about Texas beating North Carolina. You're getting warmer, but not even that.
Nope, Cowlishaw spent his precious column time heaping praise on the venue of Saturday's Longhorn beating of the reigning NCAA Basketball Tournament Champions: The Heathen Temple of Jerry Jones Avarice a.k.a Cowboys Stadium.
Cowlishaw was impressed at Cowboy Stadium's capability of handling a big-time sporting event other than a football game. The game, well that was neat too.
Or course Cowlishaw gives praise for what distinguishes The Heathen Temple from that other contender of misplaced greed, the All-New, All Different Yankee Stadium: The retractable roof.

"Give Jerry Jones as much grief as you choose for his failure to hire a general manager. But he (and the taxpayers) left nothing to chance when they built this place, which should instantly work its way into regular rotations for all the major sporting events. That includes the one Texas and Alabama will travel to the West Coast to play in January."

As mentioned here before, the roof is what makes Cowboys Stadium more important than Yankee Stadium or that new stadium the two New York-in-name-only teams will be playing their home games in nest year. The one they're hoping gets a Super Bowl. The one without a roof. Good luck with that.

(via Dallas Morning News)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Ramblin' Wreck

Ah, the Ramblin' Wreck of Georgia Tech. Nothing says you're a forward looking institution like having a nearly 80 year-old motor vehicle as a mascot. The Ramblin' Wreck is a 1930 Ford Model A Sports Coupe. I'm sure that it was the state of the art back in the day. Sadly, that day was when Bobby Bowden was a year old (if that. He was born November 8, 1929).
Do you realize how old the Ramblin' Wreck is? It's four years older than Donald Duck. It's eight years older than Superman. It's six years older than John McCain, for crying out loud!
Not to go Colin Cowherd and dismiss everything that existed before ESPN, but you would think Georgia Tech would want to do more to show itself as a forward thinking organization. Then again, it was responsible for this ad that ran during the broadcasts of Tech football games this year:

Of course as anybody could tell you, the Space Shuttle is 30-40 year old technology. I think my iPod has more computing power than the shuttle's computers do.

(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Julio Jones rap video reveals sorry state of rap music in Alabama

You know that youe state's music industry is in sad shape when the best rapper is a blonde white girl.

Look, not every place in the Dirty South can be The ATL, but c'mon! Put a little more effort into it, dangit!
No word yet on the true identity of this young maiden,or what her momma named her. Though this being the internet age you know that won't last long. The YouTube channel's user profile gives the username "uacrock" and not much else.
And by the way, it there anything lamer than a houndstooth baseball cap? Seriously 'Bama, you take this Bear Bryant worship to the wildest of extremes.

(and yes, DMX and Q-Tip are from Alabama. What exactly have they done lately?)

(via The Sporting Blog)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dawgageddon: Who wants to be a defense coordinator?

With Vic Koennig picking Illinois and Ron Zook over Georgia its beginning to looks pretty bad for the Dawgs getting a blue-chip defense coordinator to replace Willie Martinez. If it gets any worse, Mark Richt may have to see a DC at "Lowered Expectations," Mad TV's fictional dating service.If the search gets any worse, Richt may be interviewing Bo Kunkle, the (now ex-)high school football coach Tia Tequila dumped on A Shot at Love II with Tia Tequila before too long. (I was really hoping not to mention Tia Tequila on this blog. Now Iv'e done it three times in one entry, dangit!)
Or even worse yet, Richt may have to put on his own reality show to fill the job.
Just a few possible (nightmare) scenarios:

Iron Defense Coordinator: Contestants have to come up with five defense plays using a theme ingredient.

The Ultimate Coordinator: Candidates for the DC job fight it out in the octagon. (You did know Forest Griffin went to UGA?)

Defense Coordinator Chalenge: The Ruins: DC candidates face off in challenges an arena built within the ruins of what's left of Vince Dooley's house.

So You Think You Can Coach? Candidates have a dance-off for the job.

Yeah, it could probably get much worse.

(And you think that's bad? Look what I found on YouTube looking for "Lowered Expectations."

Yes, that's Shaq. Please kill me now.)


Gratuitous Tiger Woods story of the day

Things I didn't know until today:
American Media, Inc., the company that publishes the National Enquirer, also publishes Men's Fitness.

Things I did know before today:
Tiger Woods is a horndog.

(via Deadspin)

Shirts Without Random Triangles: T-shirts honor bad draft pics

In case you're looking for that last minute Christmas Gift, Pennant Race Gear has the shirts you may be looking for. That is if you're more desperate than Alex P. Keaton in a lame Family Ties knockoff of A Christmas Carol. This company has decided to celebrate rotten draft picks of the past for their "Infamous" line. Included at the moment are 1984 Portland Trail Blazers #1 draft pick Sam Bowie (and if you have to ask who was picked right after him, you don't need to know) and 1987 Seattle Seahawks draft pick Brian Bosworth. No word yet if or when the Brady Quinn and Greg Oden shirts comes out. And you Jacksonville Jaguars fans may want to go ahead and reserve your "Infamous" Tim Tebow shirt now.

(via First Cuts)

The Orlando Sentinel gives us one for the Hall of Bad Analogies

Its one thing for a columnist to drop a bad analogy into one of his or her columns. So imagine what joy it would be to read a column with at least three of them. Fortunately for America, The Orlando Sentinel's Mike Bianchi has few dandies in his column on the University of Central Florida's matchup against Rutgers in the St. Petersburg Bowl, and how it could lead UCF into the Big East.
(Just in case you're confusing UCS with USF: UCF is the team coached by resume enhancing George O'Leary. USF (University of South Florida) is coached by Jim Leavitt, who may or may not have gone Bobby Knight on one of his player's throat).
Bianchi provides his readers with a few little gems of bad analogies. First up is this dandy on how the St. Petersburg Bowl could lead to greater things fort UCF:

"Don't laugh. It wouldn't be the first time an obscure, out-of-the-way place helped decide history. The United States of America became a BCS nation at a tiny bowl locale known as the Battle of Yorktown"

Okay, we're comparing made-for-ESPN bowl games to Revolutionary War battles here. And comparing Rutgers to the 18th century British Army is pretty much a stretch to begin with.

"Likewise, UCF can go a long way toward joining the BCS league of nations in Saturday night's Soiree by the Bay. On the same week expansion talk has multiplied like Tiger's mistresses throughout college football, what better way to send a message to the Big East Conference than by beating Rutgers in a stadium jam-packed with thousands upon thousands of UCF fans?"

So the BCS is like the League of Nations? So, how well did that group turn out? And does this mean a playoff system would be like the United Nations? Yeah, that's going to win support form conservatives.
And congrats, Mike Bianchi. You're the last adult male in America to make a Tiger Woods joke.

"Never before have UCF's chances of gaining admittance into a coveted BCS league seemed so close at hand. Reminds you of the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and friends come out of the woods and into a beautiful, poppy-filled clearing where they can see their destination, the Emerald City, in the distance. "There's Emerald City!" Dorothy exclaims. "Oh, we're almost there at last! At last! It's beautiful, isn't it? … Let's run!"

...Where Dorthy and friends eventually learn the Wizard is a con artist that would make Bernie Madoff look legit.
Oh look! Bianchi's article is even causing bad analogies to pop up here! It's like H1N1. Oh wait! There's another! I need to stop before things get totally out of hand!

(via The Orlando Sentinel)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Could the Big 10 become the Fab 14? Or the Sweet 16?

So you're the Big 10, you've got to decide between Rutgers, Missouri, and Pittsburgh as the possible twelfth school in you're conference. Which one to ask?
How about all three?
The Big 10 is actually considering adding as many as three to five schools to the conference, if you believe and article posted on The Chicago Tribune's website. The Tribune quotes an unnamed source that "Anything is possible," when it came to the subject of expansion.
Fourteen teams sounds like a lot. But with two divisions of seven, its feasible. There would still be room for a non-division game or two. Sixteen teams may be too many, unless the NCAA adds a game or two to the schedule.
The other question this brings up is the possibility of other conferences joining in expansion. If the Big 10 added three teams how soon before the SEC and Big 12 followed? And would smaller conferences like the Big East and Mountain West survive the feeding frenzy? The landscape of college football might be considerably different from where it is now if the Big 10 goes beyond twelve teams.

(via The Chicago Tribune)

The Golddomedammerung: Notre Dame picks tradition over Big 10

The Big 10 hasn't even decided yet on whether to expand to twelve (or maybe even 14 teams) and Notre Dame is already turning the conference down. Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick has already put the kibosh on the notion. His reasoning: tradition.

"Our strong preference is to remain the way we are," Swarbrick told the Tribune. "Independence is a big part of the tradition of the program and our identity. We'd sure like to try to maintain it."

Translation: Notre Dame likes living in the past, and believes it can continue to do so.

"All of this has a lot more to do with our priorities than it does with business issues," he said. "Our independence is tied up in a lot of the rivalries we have. We play Navy every year and have the tradition of USC weekends. Frankly, it works pretty well to play USC in October at home and in November at their place."

Being in the Big 10 would stop Notre Dame from playing USC. Bull hockey. Being in the SEC doesn't stop Florida from playing rival Florida State (an ACC school) every year. The same goes for SEC school Georgia playing rival ACC school Georgia Tech. Besides, being a Pac-10 school hasn't stopped USC from playing Notre Dame, has it now?

There's enough room in a twelve game schedule for Notre Dame to play USC and Navy. If the Big 10 split the conference into two divisions, ND would face five teams in its division, and at most three or four teams from the opposite division. That's at most eight or nine Big 10 opponents every year. There's enough space left for USC, Navy, and one or two additional schools on the schedule.
Putting ND in the theoretical SWRT Big-10 East a possible Notre Dame schedule might look like this:

Michigan Michigan St. Ohio St. Penn St. Indiana
Wisconsin Purdue Northwestern
non-division opponent x
non-division opponent y

(theoretical east in bold, theoretical west in italic, non Big 10 normal)

So it is possible for Notre Dame to maintain it's traditional USC and Navy rivalries in the Big 10, and still have room for a couple of snuff games. Congrats, Swarbrick. You've been pwned.

(via The Chicago Tribune)

Alabama fears 2010 bye weeks.

The website Mal Moore, the athletics director at Alabama, has asked the SEC to look into the number of teams the Crimson Tide are scheduled to meet in in the future that will be coming off of buy weeks. Six of the eight SEC on Alabama's 2010 schedule have a bye week before facing the Tide.
Moore is now amused by this situation. Two of Alabama's closest games this season came against Tennessee and Auburn, who were each coming off a but week. 'Bama sees the teams on the 2010 schedule as having an unfair advantage. The SEC has agreed to look into the situation., and could make alterations to the 2010 schedule.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rick Reilly uses closed captioning as excuse to consume adult beverages

In a sad, admitted excuse t0 get plastered, Rick Reilly sat in a bar looking for closed captioning flubs on the TV. This isn't an lame excuse to put adult beverages on Reilly's ESPN expense account, this is a cry for help,* if only for a problem with writer's block.
Even sadder is some of the things on the closed-captioning he came up with. Ndamukong Suh was transformed into "INCOME CONGRESS SUE." And Mike Tomlin's (via Gladiator) now infamous "Unleash Hell in December" quote became "UNLEASH HOWL IN DECEMBER."
Reilly tries to give the people writing the captions some slack. But on some level you expect them to try to do better. Closed captioning was created to help those who were hearing impaired, as opposed to giving joy to inebriated sports journalists. They really need to try a little harder to get it right the first time.

(*And no, I am not seriously accusing Rick Reilly of having a problem with alcoholism. Living off the fumes of past glories? Well that's another question.)

(via ESPN)

Should the Big Ten look at Navy as 12th member?

Dan Shanoff of The Sporting Blog gives his suggestion of which school should join the Big 10: Navy. Some of his arguements are serious ("Academic credentials are impeccable. Football program is solid."), some are less so ("Feds could use the BCS bowl revenue"). One arguement he doesn't make: Players at Navy aren't as likely to attack other students on campus.
Plus, Navy has a national following, unlike a school like Rutgers. Though arguably Rutgers has a better shot because of it's proximity to the New York market (even if its in New Jersey).
Shanoff says "If the Big Ten hates America, it will dismiss Navy's value to the conference. If it loves America, it will see Navy's obvious value and bring them in" Well we already know the Big 10 hates America. The conference is one of the biggest opponents to a playoff system.

(via The Sporting Blog)

"Here comes Frenchie Claus, Here comes Frenchie Claus..."

Don't be fooled by that man in the red suit. It is none other than the Mets' Jeff Francoeur handing out presents at the Mets' Christmas party for area school children in New York. He bringing lots of toys and goodies for the kids in the same way he that he was one of the few things to bring tidings of comfort and joy to Mets' fans this year. Which is in sharp contrast to his former team, the Braves, who deserve nothing but lumps of coal and switches for trading him for that worthless excuse of a carbon based life form, R**n Church. (Yeah, I guess that would make R**n Church a lump of coal on some level).
The bad news, apparently previous Mets' playing Santa have run into bad luck in the following season . Hopefully Frenchie can prevent that from happening next season, and continue to prove that Terry Pendleton's incompetence as hitting coach was/is the problem.

(via Can't Stop the Bleeding, New York Times )

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jason Garrett might not have the job security he thiks he does in Dallas

It's been a(nother) long December for the Dallas Cowboys. And there's no reason to believe that maybe this season will end better than the last.* In other words, Wade Phillips is probably going to be updating his resume pretty soon. He's might not be the only one if Tim Cowlishaw has his way.
It long been figured that Cowboys' offense coordinator Jason Garrett was heir apparent for the job Cowboys' head coach. He was hired by Jerry Jones even before he hired Wade Phillips, for cryin' out loud. Cowlishaw argues that Garrett's poor handling of the Cowboys' offense this year should be the main reason he shouldn't get the job.
"Just getting rid of Phillips in order to raise Garrett's status to match his $3 million salary makes about as much sense as watching Nick Folk miss field goals on a weekly basis and deciding that the problem is the holder," Cowlishaw writes.
"And the Cowboys already tried that, with costly results in a 3-point loss to San Diego." Ouch. Nice little back handed cheap shot at Tony Romo there.
The good news for Cowboys' fans is that it does look like the Wade Phillips era is almost over in Dallas. The bad news is that the Jerry Jones Reign of Terror will continue for the near future. If Cowlishaw's lucky, he'll get his wish and Jason Garrett won't be head coach next year. On the other hand, he might end up with Charlie Weis or something more ludicrous than that. I hear Willie Martinez is available.

*(Apologies to Counting Crows)

(via Dallas Morning News)

Danger, Will Robinson! Moment of the Day: Charlie Weis to the Redskins?

Oh snap! Mr. Irrelevant reports that the Washington Redskins are looking at hiring ex-Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis to an unknown role in the organization. If that doesn't bring visions of schadenfreude through your mind nothing will. You don't need an unnamed robot to tell this has "Warning! Danger Will Robinson!" written all over it.
The article mentions the Broncos' interest in Weis also, but they're probably looking to hire Weis as Josh McDaniel's offense coordinator. Or geisha boy. Or some other job with no real decision making power.
Speaking of refuges of The Golddomedammerung, , the Redskins are looking at drafting Jimmy Clausen. Clausen and Weis, together again. Wonderful, more schadenfreude! There's plenty to go around with the Redskins. Its like a buffet of schadenfreude! And Daniel Snyder is picking up the tab for us all. What joy!

(via Mr. Irrelevant)

The most AWESOME "This is Sportscenter" commercial ever!

Forget the Y2K drill. Forget the Manning family's tour of the ESPN campus. Forget the rookie out of high school that went pro too soon. This, ladies and gentlemen is the most awesome "This is Sportscenter" commercial ever.

Arnold Palmer making an Arnold Palmer. 'Nuff said.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Someone in Kansas already wants Turner Gill gone

Turner Gill hasn't been on the job at Kansas' head football coach a full day yet and there's already a Fire Turner Gill site up.
Who would this site rather have as coach?

"JIM HARBAUGH, Tommy Tuberville, JIM HARBAUGH, Randy Edsall, JIM HARBAUGH, Skip Holtz. Did I mention JIM HARBAUGH?

Uh, did anybody mention that JIM HARBAUGH signed an extension with Stanford yesterday?Yeah, like he was going to give up being a constant thorn in Pete Caroll's side in sunny California to be Bob Stoops and Mack Brown's whipping boy? Yeah, didn't think so.
Okay, Gill's win/loss record as a coach isn't quite as stellar as Mark Mangino's. But right now that's beside the point. The Kansas football program's on the ropes because of Mangino's antics. Gill's hire is as much about saving face.
Besides Gill's not chopped liver. As quarterback coach, he helped Nebraska win three "National Championships" in the 90's. So he has a pretty good Big 12 background.

(via EDSBS, Fire Turner Gill )

"The U"...The gif,er gift that keeps on giving

It already appears that ESPN's 30 on 30 presentation The U is already making it's mark on the pop culture. Or at least the sports pop culture. Via the Miami Hurricanes blog The 7th Floor comes a selection of "U" gifs that you'll probably be seeing pop as avatars and in sig lines if you haven't already.

(via The 7th Floor)